Engaged!

While this news is a bit old (about a month old in fact)...

I'M ENGAGED!!!

That's right, I'm getting married January 1st to Mr. Alex Minium. I'm so excited to have found someone who shares my heartbeat. I could gush....but I won't (partly because I just don't have the time to right now).

Legalism

I've been home for almost three weeks now, about to go to Idaho for a friend's wedding and then Pennsylvania to start working at Wayumi and I'm really excited for that. But I wanted to share with you something God's been revealing to me lately. More exposing the truthfulness of my heart and trust me, it's not pretty. But it helps me to write about it so here goes:

The last class I finished up as a junior at New Tribes Bible Institute was Galatians. Now my summary will fall quite short of doing it justice, but Paul talks a lot about the truth of the Gospel apart from works, apart from legalism, apart from US. How it's not about what we do and who we are, it's about what HE did and who HE is. Really cool book. And so naturally it caused me to look at what I was trusting in and why I did the actions I was doing. Am I trying to prove to God that I'm worth something? Am I doing things with wrong motivation? Sometimes I can answer those questions no and sometimes I can't, but I now know to ask the question. I now CAN ask the question. But today I was reading through Philippians and trying to ask questions and things and understand the tone of the book. Now, to be honest with you, I only made it halfway through chapter two and then I thought I had better sit down and type my thoughts because if you know me then you know if I don't do it now, I won't spend the necessary time stewing over that thought I had and miss out. So here I am. Sorry...sidetrack....back to Philippians. So I'm sitting there thinking "Okay, so Paul is saying all of this because he truly cares about the people. In 1:8 he makes that so clear. Really in the whole intro he makes it very clear how much he truly cares about the people." So then a little later, he starts telling them how they ought to act. And I asked myself why. He does it because he cares for them and their relationship to God. He does it out of genuine concern. That's completely evident if you look at the first chapter. And then I realized something....while I may not be legalistic in my living, I am in my "teaching." My motive behind sharing truth most of the time is based out of "they need to know the truth" not "my desire for them is to know and understand their Savior and have a relationship with Him that is grounded in truth." Now if I would have read that sentence like, two years ago I don't think I would have been able to make a clear distinction between the two motives, but as God has been showing me the depths of my own heart and the depths of His (okay, so I'm really just starting to scratch the surface of that one...but I'm scratching) it all becomes a lot more clear. And looking at the example God gave us in Paul really opened up my eyes too. I want people to know and understand their Savior and to be able to have the relationship with Him they were created for. I want the same for myself. But I don't want to share truth with people because it's the right thing to do. I don't want to share truth because I know it and they don't. I want to share truth trusting in Christ the whole time. And I'm thankful for a God who is patient with me to show me what that looks like and how that's done. I'm excited to learn. :)

The Answer!

Tomorrow we will eat sweet potato.

For those of you who have been looking for the answer to what "Yabelewa nanimama anya namale" means, there it is! It's not really that great of a saying....but now you have some Malaumandan language to toss around out there! :) If only you knew how to pronounce it.....

Summing it up

I always have such high ambitions for updating my blog and then....well, then I fall short. I enjoy writing on here because it helps me organize my thoughts right after things have happened and causes me to really focus on what I've heard/learned throughout the day instead of just listening, thinking something was great, but forgetting it days later. But instead of writing every day while I was at Wayumi, I only wrote a few times. So I'm writing now. :)

Wednesday was the day we talked about preparing people for the Gospel. It's interesting because here in America, God is fairly well known. Most people have a general idea of who you are talking about when you say "God" and can describe Him fairly well. We, of course, should always make sure this is true, however, and not just assume. But in tribal cultures, their idea of God is often very different than ours. Sometimes they have no words for certain concepts. Most people living in tribal settings feel that God is an impersonal being who really doesn't care about them. Try telling them John 3:16 (For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him would have eternal life") raises too many questions to answer. So to prepare them for the Bible, you have to figure out their understanding of God, understand their culture and what drives the things they do, and then start from the very beginning. You want them to CLEARLY understand God's Word....doesn't HE? So that's our goal too, as the church. We want all people to clearly understand God's message to man and have the opportunity to respond to it. And we learned about that on Wednesday, which was also the day of the infamous hike. We drove to...some mountainous part of PA and participated in a four-mile hike. Kayla was my hiking buddy and it was really a gorgeous hike. We saw waterfalls and lots of green trees and crossed steep terrain. By the end, I had a HUGE blister on my left foot and a significantly smaller blister (but still a blister) on my right foot. Having holes in your socks apparently leads to that... So that was an adventure! It was fun and well worth the blisters! :)

Thursday was our Mumu. Mumus....welll, honestly, I'm not really sure how to describe it. Is mumu the way the food is prepared, the event as a whole, a noun, a verb.....I don't know! But what I DO know is that it encompasses an event where we prepare a pig, along with potatoes and sweet potatoes (pronounced cow-cow in Papua New Guinea), and stick it in the ground on these blazing hot rocks and it basically sits in the ground for hours and hours until the food has been adequately smoked to perfection. And then it comes out and becomes our supper. YUM...kind of. It's a cultural experience because it's traditional in Papua New Guinea. :) And it's fun of course. That day we also did skeet shooting. It was my first time shooting a gun and honestly, I was pretty nervous for that infamous kick I've heard about. But really, it wasn't that bad. I didn't even hurt afterwards. And I broke one of the clay disks!! That's right, my very first one. One out of two isn't too bad....I was pretty pleased. :) Onto my hunting license!

Thursday classes were more learning how to present the gospel. We talked a lot about the chronological teaching and it was great to learn and hear about how it worked and how God's Word truly does illuminate our darkened minds! Our Savior is so awesome! The next day was our last day at Wayumi. In class we learned about the Big Picture...what it takes to get a missionary into a tribe and what the process of sharing the Gospel looks like. You have to remember that the goal is not to share the Gospel, but to make DISCIPLES and for them to become their own indigenous church functioning without the missionaries. You want to work yourself out of a job. And so you teach them and teach elders and watch them as they take the Word of God as truth and apply it to their lives. You let HIM teach them. How cool is that! And you translate the Word into their language so they can have it for themselves. OH! And one of these days we did this exercise where we basically "learned" to read a different "language." It's both easy and hard. We learned that tribal people have never looked at something 2-dimensional and made sense of it in their heads before, so when they see a picture, they don't see it as we see it. That's something we TRAIN ourselves to do! Now here in America, that happens at a young age so we don't remember or even realize that we have done it, but tribal people who have never seen paper or a picture can't focus on the image as we can. It seems to me that it's the same concept as learning how to see those pop up 3D images (which I haven't been able to train my brain to see yet)...you literally have to LEARN how to do it! Anyway, so they have to train themselves and prepare themselves to see 2D images and then they learn how to read their own language and it's just the coolest thing ever! So awesome. :)

Okay, well I think I may have overloaded you with all my thoughts, so I'll let you think and show you some 2D images instead. ;)

This is what we do in our free time....make a Laz-e-Girl chair. :) Kayla is pretty comfy. :)

This is the Mumu. Those are cabbage leaves that the food was wrapped in so that it didn't get all dirty. Technically it was supposed to be banana leaves...but what American grocery store stocks up on those? :) (Actually, there are a few in the pictures believe it or not....but only a few...)

Here was my bunk mate and one of my best friends in the world: Jamie. I love this girl. Her and her nose ring. :)

The Village

Yabelewa nanimama anya namale.

Five points for anyone who can correctly guess what that says. I'm guessing you won't be able to...unless you have been to New Tribes Wayumi program or you can speak the Malaumanda tribal language of Papua New Guinea. I learned this sentence today when I went into what they call "the village." Sounds intimidating, huh? Well....it kind of is. Let me set the scene for you.

You walk through two double doors into a dark, smoky room. Lots of high-pitched noises come from all around you, all words that you do not understand. You're in some sort of a grass hut and there's a tribal man in traditional headdress and facepaint sitting on the floor sharpening his machete. Is it safe to sit? If you do, you're sitting close to this tribal man who, mind you, is SHARPENING his machete (cannibal???) and the only place to sit is close to the fire on the floor. Not really typical American greeting. The only phrase you know is "How are you?" and that won't really get you too far learning the language or building a relationship with this unusual fellow sitting by his fire. He looks up, sees you, and mumbles something in a language you don't understand. You sit down and he goes about his business as if you weren't even there. How do you build a relationship? How do you learn his language? How do you learn his culture? What are you supposed to do?

Thankfully we were given the phrase "What is it" so we could correctly elicit a list of words from this man. But today when we went to visit the village, we had to elicit sentences. The tribal man played pretend for a bit and actually understood some of our english for a bit, and so we were able to write down some sentences (mind you, this is all phontetically....so they looked like this "Yah-bey-leh-wah nahn-bah-mah ahnya no-wah-ley"). After we had sentences, we then were given the correct spelling of the sentences (so no longer phonetic) and then we set to the task of breaking apart the sentences, identifying words, phrases, tenses, pronouns, question markers, and other parts of speech. This is something I found out I LOVE! I love being able to break apart language and find patterns. I love figuring it out. It's really enjoyable for me. Challenging, but enjoyable. Phonetics and linguistics is really a cool thing. God constantly amazes me the more I learn about different cultures and different people. The fact that we are all so different and that we all speak such different, complex languages is totally a sign of God to me. How incredible is the God we serve!!

Wayumi Day 1

Why did Jesus have to die? Why can't I merit goodness? What does God require as a payment for sin? Does God require a payment for ALL sin? Why are we on earth? What purpose were we created for? How can one man's death pay for ALL man's sins? Why can't my good and bad works even out? Is God more pleased with me when I go to church?

Imagine going into a group of people who have no clue who Jesus is, no clue who the true God is, no clue that there is a heaven and a hell. Where would you start? How would you answer the above questions? This week I am studying at Wayumi, which is a program here in Jersey Shore, PA put on by New Tribes Mission. The staff here are all missionaries who have spent time on the field and are here to give people a taste of what cross-cultural missions looks like. Their goal is for us to leave here with a better understanding of what some of us will be doing. Today we talked about language and culture and how important they both are. We also talked about what God is doing on earth. And what is He doing? He's calling out a people for His name. Hey, that's us. That's the church. How cool is that? :) And He has specified previously that it will be from every ethnic-linguistic group. We're not there yet, but we will be. Why? Cuz God said so. Awesome stuff. :)

So what's with the questions I started out with? Well, our textbook for our time here is on how to plant a cross-cultural church and it was telling stories about how many countries (and honestly, we could probably say this about some American churches as well) have churches established and when people (missionaries) go in and talk to them about what they believe, they find that the people professing faith in Christ are confused about what actually gets them saved! Many people in so-called "reached" areas are not reached at all...they didn't understand the Gospel message. And so the missionaries had to ask questions and figure out where their understanding was at. Over time they realized that the foundation for the Gospel had not been properly built. The people didn't understand God's character and based it on what they knew of their previous gods, but not the one TRUE God. And so this caused false facts and ideas to be mixed into their ideas of God. They couldn't answer the questions written above according to Biblical truth. They simply believed the "white man" and trusted his friendship. So the missionaries started at the beginning. They began with Genesis 1:1 and taught about God's character and His goals for creation from the beginning on. They showed the people WHY blood was required and WHY no one can merit goodness so that by the time they presented Christ, they understood WHY He had to die and why it was the only way to take care of their sin. They knew that they were sinners from Genesis and that they needed a Savior from that. They saw their need all through the Old Testament and understood the Law for what it really was. With the proper foundations laid, they were able to understand the Gospel message as truth. And the missionaries were able to see how important foundations from the Old Testament were. So now New Tribes presents the Gospel from Genesis to Revelation and that is how we have learned at school. I've seen the benefit of that style of teaching in my own life and I'm so excited as I hear stories of my brothers and sisters in Christ from tribes as they learn the truth that God laid out for us to hear! What a great God we serve!!

Grace and Renewing our Minds

Over break I was able to do a book chart of Galatians and spent a lot of time just reading the text. It was extremely impactful to me. It's interesting how many times I feel like I have been just like the Galatians, understanding that they are saved by faith but expect to become sanctified through self-effort and conforming to a set of rules. We want to perfect our faith on our own. We thank God for saving us and then want to take over, take it from here. How silly we are! We were in chapel today and Shirley was taking us through Philippians and showing us how God is the one who started a good work in us and how that good work God started is to conform us to the image of His son. It's GOD'S WORK though, not ours!! His Work...challenging. And yet we do have responsibility to allow God's Word to renew our minds and transform our thinking, but ultimately HE is the one doing it. We cannot force ourselves into being like Christ....because we won't be even if we outwardly look it. Outward conformity isn't what God desires. That was Israel's problem. God told Israel in the Old Testament that he HATED their sacrifices....sacrifices HE instituted! He hated them because they were ritual, done without heart change and just for the sake of doing the right thing. God doesn't want us to outwardly conform to what His Word says. He wants our hearts to be changed and our actions to change as a result of our heart change. The change is INWARD first and the natural outflow of that is an outward change. So many times I think we focus on making someone, especially ourselves, look a certain way and behave correctly without addressing the real problem, our wicked hearts. It's been such a challenge to me as I evaluate the WHY behind what I do. Am I looking for a list to conform to like the Galatians were? Am I trying to perfect myself without God or am I allowing His Word to transform my thinking and acting according to the truth that I know, depending upon His power? Really challenging.

We have also been talking in 2 Corinthians a lot about grace vs. performance. It's interesting to see how many times I treat people based on performance without even realizing it. I think it's definitely a cultural thing, but definitely a WRONG thing. We have been looking at Godly, Biblical discipline verses social justice as well and that's been super convicting too. Discipline should come from a heart of seeing that person as part of the body of Christ and wanting to do whats best for them in order to restore them in fellowship and do it in a loving, gracious manner. Most of the time I don't even know what that would look like. But it's been good to ponder it, to look to His Word for answers, to study. I feel like I'm just beginning to scratch the surface of it. I feel like that a lot...

Thank God that He is faithful!

Spring Break

This past week was my spring break. For those of you who don't know, I went to Texas to spend some time with Alex. Unfortunately, he wasn't on spring break and still had to go to classes (he attends LeTourneau University), so that meant lots of relaxing sleeping in time for me! Well, I didn't just sleep in....I did some homework too. I even went to a couple of classes, but since airplanes really aren't my cup of tea, I just did my own homework while he learned about avionics and fuel pumps. :) But I did learn a lot while I was in Texas. It was really good to just be able to be there and see Alex in his element. He's a great teacher and a great pilot and is going to be such an asset to the mission someday (so long as he continues looking and depending on Him of course). I'm so thankful for the time that we had to learn more about each other. I learned a lot about myself too, in all honesty, and how selfish and rude I can be. I am beginning to more clearly be able to see and distinguish opportunities to walk in the Spirit...and learning the effects of when I choose not to and when I choose to do so. It's funny how prideful we can be and not wanting to humble ourselves before Him sometimes. God's been working on my heart and showing me the depths of my sinful nature and how important it is for me to be constantly in fellowship with Him, walking in the Spirit and depending upon Him in ALL things because when I'm not....I am embarrassed of myself and my selfish choices. All in all a very growing spring break. :) I even got to book chart Galatians in preparation for the class in a week! I'm excited! But for your viewing pleasure, I thought I would post a few pictures. :)

First, on the motorcycle...about to take a drive to the lake. I told him he had to get used to making funny faces in pictures. :) Aviators. Stereotypical pilot...


This is me "flying" an airplane. It's harder than it looks, let me just say that. I have a whole new level of respect for him...

Learning

There once was a spunky little girl who grew up without a care in the world. And then one day, she learned of God's call to take the Gospel to those who had never heard. At first, she rejected that thought. Why would she want to sacrifice all of that to live in a place of no glory and serve amongst smelly people who probably wouldn't listen anyways? What would ever possess her to do such a thing? You see...at the time, she cared much more about herself then listening to God. And He allowed that for a time. He didn't force her, but continued to show her through His word the importance of ALL people knowing His glory, His salvation, His story. And so, at the age of 13, she began to look for a mission trip to go on. And she went.....to Quito, Ecuador with a group of about 200 other students. She saw sights she never thought she would see, such poverty, such need. She smelled things she never wished to smell again...but smells that were all too common in this world. Her world was rocked. The name of the trip was "Never the Same" and it held true; she came back different. She came back passionate. At this time, her passion was for the people and their physical needs. Oh how blessed she was. Oh how unfortunate the people she saw were. She wanted to help. She wanted to be His hands and feet. But alas, she was 13 and had to return home to her nice suburban house and go to high school. But there was always next year.

That little girl lived for the summers. It was then that she truly felt alive. Ecuador. Bolivia. Brasil. She waited to be overseas, to get to see and experience different cultures and helping those less fortunate. She was almost blinded to those around her when she was at home and at school; her focus was completely on those overseas. She couldn't wait to leave everyone behind and move over there. She was going to change the world. Graduation was so close she could feel it. But her plans changed. She ended up going to a four-year college, not jumping into a Bible program to get trained to go overseas. After a year of college, she quit, knowing that she needed to pay off her debt so she could go into training. And then she got sidetracked. She became caught up in romance and things of this world. She was scared to go overseas, even more scared to go alone. Part of her just wanted to run away and forget people overseas. She just wanted to live her life with her family and her friends and get married and stay here. But then her romance ended. Tragically, in fact, and she hit rock bottom. She struggled for a long time trying to find out who she was and where her worth was found. She realized she had been focused on the wrong things for a long time and had lost her identity. Basing her worth on other's opinions and the way others treated her had landed her distraught. You see, this girl didn't understand what it meant to be a Christian. She didn't understand all that Christ had done for her. And I don't mean she didn't fully grasp it; she didn't grasp it at all! She didn't get her new identity in Christ and what that meant. She didn't understand the truths of Ephesians 1-3 and all the things that God had blessed her with simply because HE chose to do so. But she did understand that her walk with God was missing something. So she signed up to start the first part of training with New Tribes Mission; their Bible Institute in Jackson, MI. She figured she wasn't giving up enough for God and she knew that God wanted all to be saved and was running from it, so maybe she'd make God happy by actually becoming a missionary. That and she really did want to help people. But mostly this was a desperate attempt to find some sort of meaning in the Christian life. She was at rock bottom.

Arriving at Bible school in January of 2009 and beginning classes that started in Genesis, she felt a bit elementary. Why were these teachers trying to talk down to her? She didn't need help learning Old Testament Bible stories! She knew them! She just wanted to learn the answers to all the big questions, all the hot topics. She wanted to have an answer. She wanted to learn what she was missing...because she knew she was missing something. Over the past year, she has been learning the Bible. She has been learning God's story in a way she never knew before. She has seen the importance of understanding the Bible from the beginning to end, as a unit, as all part of God's progressive revelation. She has been learning about the Spirit and how to walk in the Spirit. She has been learning about who Christ made her once she first believed. She has been learning she will never quit learning. There are so many things, so many truths that have been brought to life for her. God has changed her mind on so many issues...even missions. She is passionate about missions, not because she wants to help people, not because it will make her more acceptable to God (she is already as accepted as she can get because she is in CHRIST!), but because God wants that none should perish. Because God commanded us to GO. Because they cannot truly live without the truth of His Word. Because they NEED to hear His truth. Because they cannot believe if they do not hear. Because the Christian life isn't about what's easiest, but about HIM.

Looking back, she is grateful for the hard times that have brought her closer to Him. She is grateful for the pit of despair, because it was only when she was at the end of herself, when she had tried everything she possibly knew how to do and seen it fail, that she could try rest in His finished work on the cross....or begin to learn how to. Life is not perfect. Her walk with God is not perfect. But she has a faith unlike one she has had before because it is built upon a foundation of TRUTH found ONLY in HIS word. She is learning that a life of sacrifice isn't to be feared because as she learns to allow the Word to renew her mind (through studying it) and to set her mind on things eternal, on things above, the circumstances and things on the earth are only opportunities to allow Christ's life to live through her and glory to be brought to HIS name. She is learning....

Identity

When I was little, I lived in the beautiful state of North Carolina. We lived on an enormous plot of land that was covered in trees and wildlife and anything green. I grew up away from the hustle and bustle of the city or the suburbs. I didn't have friends around the corner to play with, just me and my brother. And it was fun. Most days I spent an adequate amount of time playing by myself...no one wants to play basketball for 12 hours a day unless your name is Chad. (Possibly an overstatement, but still.) I read books, collected rocks, played with my kitchen, and just walked around the outdoors. It was a great childhood.

As I got older, I learned more about who I was and I changed. We moved to the suburbs of Columbus and the things I used to do weren't really done in the city so much. No more walks in the fields because they were non-existent. I had to adjust to having neighbor kids to play with all the time and not having all that much alone time. At first it was great. But I came to miss the times I had in North Carolina. Different experiences impacted me in different ways and I spent a lot of time figuring out who I was. I had been thrown into an unfamiliar environment and I had to find myself in it. I'm not sure I'll ever completely understand myself, to be honest, but it's interesting to see how I struggled with my identity growing up. Put in different circumstances, sometimes I would lose sight of myself because I just didn't fit there. Sometimes I would try to act a certain way because it was expected, but it wasn't true to me and I always knew that. You can try to change who you are all you want, but you always know when you aren't being true to yourself.

I've been thinking a lot about identity lately. In fact, I recently gave a speech on the topic in speech class. I used Miss Ohio as an example. You see, when you're crowned Miss Ohio, you begin to act like Miss Ohio. Miss Ohio says certain things, has certain opinions, wears certain types of clothes....and all this may be different from what you did before, but since you have become Miss Ohio, you must change to ACT like Miss Ohio. You take on the identity that you have been given. It's the same for Christians. As human beings I think we struggle with this issue a lot, and I think as believers in Christ, we may at times struggle more than most. We have a new identity in Christ. At first, it was a nice phrase and a nice thought, but I didn't get what that meant. And....I'm still learning what it means. But Christ is now my life. He is now who I am. He is my true identity. But my life doesn't line up with that. My thinking doesn't always show that to be true. My actions are often not HIS actions, but my own. I've been learning a lot lately about identity...what it means, what the implications from it are, how it should be changing my thinking and my actions. A true understanding of who I am in Him will cause change. The more that I focus on those truths, the more I see how far I fall short of truly seeing myself as God sees me. I don't live in those truths very often. I'm learning. I'm learning what it means and I'm learning who I am...but I'm still figuring it out. It's clearly defined in the Word of God....so I have the tools necessary to understand, but it's a process. Just as when I was younger I had to figure out who I was, I am having to do the same thing now....only with my TRUE identity in Him. Who am I? How should that impact the decisions that I make? The Lord is in the process of transforming me to His image. How cool is that. But right now, I have every heavenly blessing. Right now, I have the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. I am God's daughter! My goodness! The things that are true as a natural result of who I am are astounding. And to think that who I am in Him is all for HIS GLORY, not because of anything I have done...it's all so amazing. And elementary....yet I'm still grasping these things. And I will continue to grasp them. I want to grasp them. I want to understand who I am in Him.

The other cool thing about identity is that ALL believers have the same identity. We all have the same blessings in Him. We are all found IN HIM. All that we have been given is because we are IN HIM. How cool is that? Yet do I see other believers like this? Do I treat them like that? Am I unified with them or do I just sit here and judge them, condemn them when they fail? God doesn't. Why would I? So many thoughts. So many things to ponder. So many things to learn as I simply behold who He is, my Savior, my King, my eternal Father. He is my life.

Update

It's been a CRAZY busy week and I thought it would be good for me to take some time to reflect on things. With the fast-pace here, it's easy to just get caught up in things and not take the time to sit down and really mull over things.

I have been talking to a lot of people lately about walking in the Spirit. Okay, and honestly, I feel kind of dumb. Here's the thing....I've been gaining understanding in this matter for....the past year really (before that, I had little understanding and my understanding wasn't growing) and was starting to think "Hey, I'm getting this!" Any red flags going up? Yeah, that can be a dangerous place to be sometimes. Especially if you're me. Anyways, so we actually were in Romans small group over chapter 8 and we were drawing diagrams up on the board and I sat there the entire time thinking "That's not right. That's not what I thought. That can't be right. NOOOOOO!" Seriously....I did. And so, I decided to take a look at what the Word of God had to say and then talk to older, wiser, more mature Christians about the matter. And that's what I did. Three days in a row I had an hour long conversation with three different people and it was really neat to just see how God was at work. I don't understand fully what walking in the Spirit is. But after my first conversation with one of the guys on staff, God had me at a point where I could pray "I don't fully understand, but I trust You to grow me in it and I will walk in the truth that I DO know." I went into the conversation thinking "This can't be what walking in the Spirit really is because I don't want this to be the answer" and came away thinking "I don't understand it, but I see it as truth in the Word of God." Well, actually, I was thinking a lot more than that. I was thinking "Well, how does walking in the Spirit connect with walking in the truth that you have?" and "Does that mean God always has one choice for you to make in moral issues?" and many other questions. But I have been able to discuss them with others and been challenged to take it back to the Word and it's just been really neat to see God growing me in His truth. And it's been neat because at times I almost feel like light bulbs really are coming on. I find myself realizing the lies I've been thinking or believing or the truths that I know in my head or true, but I don't actually think are true based on my actions. They aren't experiencially true for me. I'm so thankful for a God who is faithful to conform me to His image. :) And let me say this: After a week of mulling over what walking in the Spirit is, I feel like I DO have a better understanding. BUT I feel like I'm only scratching the surface....but at least I KNOW it's the surface of truth.

P.S. Evaluating your thoughts is hard work! And rather draining....but yet so rewarding!

We just started Ephesians class and our speech class, meaning we just FINISHED James/Jude and Dan/Rev. Which also means I just finished my Dan/Rev timeline.....let me tell you that was a stressful assignment. We had to take pretty much all the events of Daniel(the visions) and Revelation and put them all in a concise timeline of end times events. That's right, a complete description of the Church Age, Rapture, Tribulation (including all the judgments and information about the 7-headed beast....mine looked like a body with 7 balloon heads....i'm not an artist...), Armageddon, the Millennium, Gog and Magog, The Great White Throne, the Eternal State, and much much more. It was crazy....I learned a lot, but it took a while to compile a timeline on all of that. :)
But back to what I was saying....we just started Ephesians and speech class. So far I really like Ephesians. It's been neat to see how I've read Ephesians 1 before and how I thought it was all about us and now how I can see it's all about GOD! I apparently didn't read it too closely. I mean, it has us in it, don't get me wrong, but the main point of the passage is what GOD has done FOR US! Somehow I was too consumed with what I had that I completely missed what GOD had done before. Go figure. So that's been really neat. We are only on chapter one and its amazing, so I'm looking forward to more of it!
Speech class....well....if you know anything about me, then you know this isn't my favorite thing in the world. I mean, I will do it, but I get really nervous, as I'm sure is normal. Anyways, my first speech is on Friday. And I'm really excited about my introduction...haha. Somehow I feel like if I can find a good introduction, that makes everything else easier....I'm more comfortable and it's all around better. :) So let's hope that I actually do okay when it comes time to giving this speech. Perhaps I'll post my outline on here when I'm done with it. :)

And now I'm off to hear a speaker...a really cool speaker named Lane Sanford. He's kind of a "special emphasis" speaker...but really he's a missionary who's fresh off the field on furlough and he's here to tell us all about Papua New Guinea and his experiences in a tribe there. I'm really excited to hear him speak!!

Romans Outline

I've been here for over a year now and never posted any of my assignments. I have decided that it's time. You get to hear all about the time that goes into them, but you haven't actually SEEN any of them. I doubt you'll be able to get through it all, which is fine, but I thought I'd show you the gist of what I do. This is my Romans outline over chapters 6-8. It's not perfect, just let me preface by saying that. It's flawed. But it took me a good 9 hours to get to this point, so I'm going to leave it for now and work on something else...like my Daniel/Revelation timeline that will also probably take me a good 9 hours. Woohoo. Okay, so here it is....

Terms:
Non-routine

Grace (6:1)
United (6:5)
Crucified (6:6)
Reign (6:12)
Impurity (6:19)
Lawlessness (6:20)
Enslaved (6:22)
Jurisdiction (7:1)
Released (7:6)
Bound (7:6)
Deceived (7:11)
Spiritual (7:14)
Bondage (7:14)
Dwells (7:17)
Wretched (7:24)
Condemnation (8:1)
Flesh (8:3)
Offering (8:3)
Set (8:6)
Peace (8:6)
Hostile (8:7)
Subject (8:7)
Dwells (8:11)
Obligation (8:12)
Adoption (8:15)
Testifies (8:16)
Heirs (8:17)
Sufferings (8:18)
Glory (8:18)
Revealing (8:19)
Futility (8:20)
Hope (8:20)
Slavery (8:21)
Corruption (8:21)
Perseverance (8:25)
Intercedes (8:26)
Foreknew (8:29)
Predestined (8:30)
Justified (8:30)
Glorified (8:30)
Delivered (8:32)
Elect (8:33)
Condemns (8:34)
Tribulation (8:35)
Distress (8:35)
Persecution (8:35)
Peril (8:35)
Conquer (8:37)
Principalities (8:38)
Powers (8:38)
Separate (8:39)


Repeated
Died/death (6:2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 11, 13, 16, 21, 23) (7:2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 13, 13, 24) (8:3, 6, 10, 11, 11, 13, 13, 34, 36, 38)
With Him/Christ (6:3, 5, 6, 78, 8)
Sin (6:1, 2, 6, 6, 7, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 20, 22, 23) (7:7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 13, 13, 13, 14, 17, 20, 23) (8:2, 3, 3, 3, 10)
Present yourselves/members (6:13, 13, 16, 19, 19)
Slaves (6:6, 16, 16, 17, 18, 19, 19, 20, 22)
Live/Life (6:2, 8, 10, 10, 10, 23) (7:1, 2, 3)
Righteousness (6:13, 16, 18, 19, 20)
Law (6:14, 15) (7:1, 1, 2, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 7, 7, 9, 9, 12, 14, 16, 16, 22, 23, 23, 23, 25, 25) (8:2, 2, 3, 3, 7)
I/me (7:7, 7, 9, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 15, 15, 15, 15, 15, 15, 16, 16, 16, 17, 18, 18, 19, 19, 19, 19, 20, 20, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 24, 25)
Good (7:12, 16, 18, 19, 21)
In Christ (6:11) (8:2, 10, 11, 39)
Spirit (8:2, 4, 5, 5, 6, 9, 9, 9, 10, 11, 11, 12,3, 14, 15, 15, 16, 16, 23, 26, 26, 27)
Flesh (7:18, 25) (8:3, 3, 3, 4, 5, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 12, 12, 13)
Mind Set (8:5, 6, 6, 7)
God (8:3, 7, 7, 8, 9, 11, 11, 11, 14, 14, 16, 17, 19, 21, 27, 28, 28, 31, 33, 33, 34, 39)
According to (8:4, 4, 5, 5, 12, 12)
Hope (8:20, 24, 24, 24, 24, 25)
Waiting eagerly (8:19, 23, 25)
Groan (8:22, 23, 26)
Love (8:35, 37, 39)
Intercedes (8:26, 27, 34)

Cause and effects
Sin = grace increases (6:1)
Baptized into Christ = baptized into His death (6:3)
Christ raised from the dead = we can walk in newness of life (6:4)
United with Him in likeness of death = united with him in resurrection (6:5)
Old self was crucified with him = body of sin done away with = no longer slaves to sin (6:6)
Died to sin = freed from sin (6:7)
Died with Christ = live with Him (6:8)
Raised from dead = death no longer master (6:9)
Dead to sin = alive to God (6:11)
Sin reign = obey its lusts (6:12)
Slaves of sin = death (6:16)
Slaves of obedience = righteousness (6:16)
Freed from sin = slave to righteousness (6:18)
Present self as slave to impurity = lawlessness (6:19)
Present self as slave to righteousness = sanctification (6:19)
Sanctification = eternal life (6:22)
Wages of sin = death (6:23)
Gift of God = eternal life (6:23)
Alive = law has jurisdiction (7:1)
Husband dies = released from law (7:2)
Joined to a man with living husband = adultery (7:3)
Died to Law = joined to another = produce fruit for God (7:4)
Sinful passions aroused by law = fruit for death (7:5)
Released from Law = serve in newness of spirit (7:6)
Law = reveals sin (7:7)
Sin alive = my death (7:9)
Commandment = death (7:10)
Sin = deceived = killed (7:11)
Law in members of body = prisoner of law of sin (7:23)
In Christ = no condemnation (8:1)
Law of Spirit of Life = free from law of sin and death (8:2)
Sent Son as offering for sin = condemned sin in flesh = requirement of law fulfilled (8:3-4)
Walk according to flesh = set mind on things of flesh (8:5)
Walk according to Spirit = set mind on things of Spirit (8:5)
Mind on flesh = death (8:6)
Mind on spirit = life and peace (8:6)
Mind on flesh = does not subject itself to law of God (8:7)
No Spirit in Him = does not belong to God (8:9)
Christ in you = body is dead = spirit is alive (8:10)
Have spirit swelling in you = life to your mortal bodies (8:11)
Live according to the flesh = death (8:13)
Putting to death deeds of body by spirit = life (8:13)
Led by Spirit of God = son of God (8:14)
Children of God = heirs with God and Christ (8:17)
Suffer with Him = glorified with Him (8:17)
Creation waits = revealing of sons of God (8:19)
Creation subjected to futility = set free from slavery to corruption (8:20-21)
In hope = saved (8:24)
Don’t know how to pray = Spirit intercedes (8:26)
Foreknew = predestined to be conformed to image of His Son (8:29)



Comparisons and Contrasts
Death/Life (6:4)
Law/Grace (6:14)
Death/Righteousness (6:16)
Lawlessness/ Righteousness (6:19)
Death/eternal life (6:23)
Wages/Free gift (6:23)
Fruit for God/Fruit for death (7:4-5)
Newness of spirit/oldness of the letter (7:6)
Good/Death (7:13)
Good/Evil (7:19)
Mind serving law of God/ flesh serving law of sin (7:25)
Law of Spirit of life in Christ/ Law of sin and death (8:2)
Law could not/God could (8:3)
Walk according to flesh/Walk according to spirit (8:4)
Death/Life and Peace (8:6)
Flesh is hostile toward God/cannot please God (8:7-8)
Body dead/spirit alive (8:10)
Spirit of slavery/spirit of adoption (8:15)
Suffer/glorified (8:17)
Slavery/Freedom (8:21)
Hope/Wait eagerly (8:25)
Justifies/Condemns (8:33-34)

Lists
With Him
Died (6:8)
Buried (6:4)
United (6:5)
Crucified (6:6)
Live (6:8)
Law (7:12)
Holy
Righteous
Good
True of believers
Died to sin (6:2)
Baptized into his death (6:3)
Buried with him into death (6:4)
Raised to walk in newness of life (6:4)
United with him in death (6:5)
United in His resurrection (6:5)
Old self crucified with Him (6:6)
No longer slaves to sin (6:7)
Died with Christ so live with Him (6:8)
Still have flesh (6:19)
Our relationship to Law
Released from (7:4)
Died to it (7:4)
Free from it (7:3)
Why died to Law?
Joined to Another (7:4)
Bear fruit for God (7:4)
Relationship between sin and Law made death only way (7:5)
Those walking according to the flesh
Set minds on flesh (8:5)
Death (8:6)
Hostile toward God (8:7)
Doesn’t subject itself to law of God (8:7)
Cannot please God (8:8)
Those walking according to Spirit
Requirement of law fulfilled in us (8:4)
Set mind on things of spirit (8:5)
Brings life and peace (8:6)
Spirit of God dwells in us (8:8)
Life to mortal bodies (8:11)
Put to death deeds of body (8:13)
Son of God (8:14)
Spirit
Intercedes (8:26)
Helps our weakness (8:26)
Testifies (8:16)
Dwells in us (8:11)
Puts to death deeds of body (8:13)
Gives life to our mortal bodies (8:11)
What we can conquer through Him (8:35)
Tribulation
Distress
Persecution
Famine
Nakedness
Peril
Sword
Believers (Ch. 8)
Foreknown (29)
Predestined (29)
Will be Conformed (29)
Called (30)
Justified (30)
Glorified (30)
Elect (33)
Christ intercedes for (34)
Can’t be separated from God’s love (35)

Outline Romans 6:1-8:39

I. Freed from the Authority of Sin (6:1-23)
A. Shouldn’t sin so grace can increase (6:1-2)
1. Died to sin
2. Cannot live in what we are dead to
B. Identification with Christ (6:3-10)
1. Baptized into His death
a. Body of sin is done away with
b. No longer slaves to sin
c. Freed from sin
2. Buried with Christ
3. Raised to walk in newness of life
a. Never to die again
b. Death is no longer master
c. Live to God
C. Present yourselves to God as alive from the dead (6:11-23)
1. Choose righteousness
a. Consider self dead to sin and alive to God
b. Don’t let sin reign
c. Don’t obey sin’s lusts
d. Present self as alive from dead
e. Present your members as instruments as righteousness
2. Under Grace
a. Not under law
b. Sin no longer master
c. Grace doesn’t give us freedom to sin as we wish
3. Slaves to Sin
a. Impure and lawless
b. Free in regard to righteousness
c. Outcome is death
4. Slaves to Righteousness
a. Commanded to present self as such
b. Freed from sin
c. Enslaved to God
d. Results in sanctification, which results in eternal life
II. Set free from Law and joined to Christ (7:1-13)
A. Law in Marriage (7:1-3)
1. Bound to husband in life; cannot remarry
2. Released from husband in death
a. Free to marry another if husband dies
b. Must wait until death or is an adulterer
B. Bearing Fruit (7:4-6)
1. Died to the Law
a. Under the law in the flesh
b. Law aroused sinful passions to bear fruit for death
2. Joined to Christ
a. To bear fruit for God
b. Now serve in newness of Spirit
C. Law and sin in us (7:7-13)
1. Law
a. Was to result in life
b. Holy, righteous, and good
c. Reveals sin
2. Sin
a. Dead apart from the Law
b. Uses the Law to produce more sin
c. Always results in death
d. Deceives and kills
e. Is utterly sinful shown by commandments
III. Helpless on our own for deliverance from sin (7:14-25)
A. Two Natures (7:14-23)
1. Flesh
a. Sold into bondage to sin
b. Practice what self hates
c. Nothing good dwells in
d. Cannot produce good
e. Present within
f. Makes prisoner to way of sin in members
2. New Man
a. Desires to do good
b. Does not understand why can’t do good
c. Concurs with law of God
B. Desire to be set free (7:24-25)
1. Cannot set self free
2. Thanks to Christ
IV. Christ is the only answer for deliverance from sin (8:1-4)
A. In Christ (8:1-2)
1. No condemnation
2. Set free from Law of sin and death
3. Now under Spirit of life
B. What Law couldn’t do, God did (8:3-4)
1. Sent son in likeness of flesh
a. As an offering for sin
b. To condemn sin in flesh
2. Fulfilled requirement of Law in us
V. Walk according to truth (8:5-39)
A. Two ways to walk (8:5-8)
1. According to the flesh
a. Set mind on things of flesh
b. Death
c. Hostile toward God
d. Doesn’t subject self to law of God
e. Cannot please God
2. According to the Spirit
a. Set mind on things of Spirit
b. Life
c. Peace
B. Those in the Spirit (8:9-13)
1. God dwells in Him
2. Body is dead because of sin
3. Spirit is alive because of righteousness
4. Have life from Spirit that dwells in them
5. No obligation to live according to the flesh
a. Flesh must die
b. Spirit puts to death deeds of flesh
C. Sons of God (8:14-18)
1. Those led by Spirit of God
2. Received spirit of adoption, not fear
3. Spirit testifies that we are God’s children
a. If children, then heirs of God and Christ
b. Glorified with him if suffer with Him
4. Will be revealed as sons of God in glory
D. Hope of creation (8:19-25)
1. Waits for revealing of sons of God
2. Longs to be set free from corruption
3. Groans and suffers until glory revealed
4. We await our adoption as sons
a. In hope
b. Persevere and wait eagerly
E. Holy Spirit (8:26-27)
1. Helps our weakness
2. Intercedes for us according to God’s will as we do not know how to pray
3. Searches hearts
F. God’s purpose (8:28-30)
1. Work all things together for good
a. For those who love Him
b. Who he foreknew
i. Predestined
ii. Called
iii. Justified
iv. Glorified
2. Conform us to His Son’s image
G. Love of God (8:31-39)
1. For us
a. Gave Son on our behalf
b. Freely gives us all things
2. Causes us to stand un-condemned
a. God justifies, Christ condemns
b. Christ intercedes on our behalf
3. Nothing can separate us
a. Death
b. Life
c. Angels
d. Principalities
e. Things present
f. Things future
g. Power
h. Height
i. Depth
j. Any other created thing
4. Enables us to conquer in all things


Summary
Paul previously told us how we have been justified by faith in Christ. Now he goes on to explain our sanctification. He first tells us how we are freed from the authority of sin. Then he shows us the importance of having died to the Law and sin so that we could be joined to Christ and grace. We then learn that there is a battle within believers between the flesh in us and our new nature and we are powerless to do anything about it. But thanks be to God, who has conquered sin for us! In Christ we have been set free and in Him alone is the power over sin and death. He has given us His life in us and we are to walk in the Spirit in us and when we are, we will not walk in the flesh. This section gives us hope in the struggle against sin and confidence in our security in Christ. Paul began by showing us our depravity and then how God provided for our justification, and now has told us how to live a life pleasing to Him. We know that it is apart from the Law. It also sets us up for the next section, which will be on Israel and Paul’s desire to see them know and walk in these truths.

Whew! It's been a long couple of weeks. It's been busy and hard to find some time to write, but it's really been on my mind that I needed to update this so here I am! :)

First off, after the last post that I put up here, God constantly has been bombarding me with this idea of rest and a reminder that while my job is to appropriate and that is not a passive position, it is His job to grow and my job to "labour unto rest". And so I am attempting to remind myself of these truths and rest in Him, although I'm still working toward that and haven't arrived...naturally.

Second, I should update you on a few things in my personal life. Some of you know that I have been having some issues with my stomach lately. I went to the doctor about a week ago and was tested for celiac's disease, which came back negative (Praise the Lord!), but I am intolerant of gluten. If you don't know what gluten is...well, neither do I. :) I know that it's a protein found in wheat and a few other grains and I can no longer ingest it unless I am okay with not feeling very well for a while. So I am in the process of having a gluten-free diet and figuring out what I can and cannot eat. It's a challenge, but I'm always up for those.

A bit more interesting side of my personal life has to do with a certain young man. :) The story is actually pretty neat...but long. I don't really have the time at this moment to write it all out for you, but his name is Alex and he is in school right now in Texas of all places to finish up a degree in missions aviation (it's actually more technical sounding than that, but since I don't yet know much about aviation, that's the best I can do :) ) and then would like to go into New Tribes Mission, which is the organization that I am currently in training with. He will graduate this December just like I will. Perfect timing. ;) He was able to come up last weekend (Valentine's Day) and meet my family and most of our family friends, and everyone loved him and was so glad to get to meet him. He was able to explain his heart to many of them sitting around the dinner table and I just sat there and smiled because his heart for missions is so neat for me to hear about and to see. Anyways, I know that's not too much information, so feel free to email me if you want the whole story. I'm always happy to share it. :)

I'm not sure if I wrote about this on here, but I have been doing language helping with a Korean woman here at school. It has been going well, although I keep telling her how silly I feel when she asks me to explain things that we do or phrases that we use and I have absolutely no idea how to explain things to her! Sometimes the things we say are just silly and don't actually make much sense....we just don't realize it until we are forced to explain our idioms. :) But it's been really neat to be able to interact with someone trying to learn our language and see a glimpse of what it will be like when the roles are reversed and I am the one trying to learn a different language!! It's a really neat opportunity and I am so thankful for it. :)

One of the things that I have been seeing in the Scriptures, mainly Psalms and Revelation, is how off my view of God is. I have this idea of God as being this God of justice to non-believers and a God of love toward believers. When I picture Him, I picture Him as my Daddy and my friend, and while these are true statements, that does not fully encompass the God that I serve. It's been convicting to me to be reading through the Psalms and seeing all the attributes of God and realizing that my view of God does not always cause me to fall on my knees before His throne. And it should...EVERY TIME. So I've been trying to immerse myself in His word and highlight all times I see a description of who God is. It's been pretty challenging and while I know that I cannot produce change in my life, God wants me to be actively engaging my mind in His truth and seeing the light of it and walking in that light. It's been a neat study and I'm excited to see what else I see of Him and how my view of Him changes over time. I hope that it continues to be more complete in the revelation that He has given us.

I am so thankful that I have the Word of God to study. And I am burdened for those who don't. They can see Him in creation, but Romans 1 tells us that they reject Him. God has called us to confront them with the truth of His word, to share with them His Word. But they can't hear it unless they have His word, and they can't have it unless we go. I am so excited to be a part of what GOD is doing to bring His word to people who have never had an opportunity to hear. Thank you for your prayers as I am on this journey of preparation (although I know I will always be) and as God continues to teach me and mold me.

Winter Wonderland

If only I had the time to blog everyday. My thoughts would definitely make more sense as I would be able to expound upon them more, but nevertheless, I will do my best! If you live on the east coast, you know that blizzards have been falling upon us. Yesterday and today we got our first REAL Michigan snow. Now, for those of you who don't know, my school and dorm are all in the same building. I never have to leave the school at all...except for church, youth group, and the times when I'm just plain nutty from being cooped up in one building with 150 other people 24/7. :) BUT, one of the amazing things about my community is how we all work together to take care of each other. While this is "required," it really is a blessing. For instance, when we have big snow storms, all the guys are split up on snow crew teams and get up in the wee hours of the morning and shovel. I can't tell you what a blessing that is! It's neat to see students with a servant's heart, faithfully taking care of the needs of the student body. And the staff even scraped off all the cars in the parking lot today! What an amazing act of service. So thank you to all who partook in serving us in the snow.

Snowy days like today are perfect for curling up on my bed and reading. :) And I have quite a large supply of reading these days. Today one of my assignments was called "What is the believer's rule of life" by George Zeller. To be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to reading it, but God has definitely used it to reveal His truth in my life. We are about to start Romans chapter 7 tomorrow in class and this reading was on whether a believer is under the Law or not, and if not, what rule a believer is to follow. The article was very challenging in many different ways, but one thing really stuck out to me.

"What then is the Christian life all about? The Christian life is simply knowing a PERSON, loving HIM, seeking to please HIM, walking with HIM, honoring HIM, obeying HIM, thanking HIM, rejoicing in HIM, delighting in HIM, trusting in HIM, growing in HIM, talking to HIM, talking to others about HIM, abiding in HIM, learning of HIM, learning from HIM, sitting at HIS feet and enjoying HIS presence. Note the emphasis on HIM (on a person). As we go through each day, are we walking with a person and enjoying Him or are we following a religious, ritualistic, legalistic routine?"

I read this and sat there and thought, is this how I view my walk with God? Yes, I have a relationship with Him. But He doesn't want simply a relationship; He wants a friendship. Do I do the things that I do because I LOVE Him, because my desire is to please Him like a wife's desire is to please her husband, or do I do it because I have to? Butch was talking today in Revelation 2 on the church at Ephesus and how they had lost their first love. He was talking about a marriage where the wife had "vacant eyes" and was doing the things she was supposed to, but the flame was gone. Honestly, it didn't click in that class....well, it did in reference to the church, but not to me. But when reading the above paragraph it suddenly clicked. I have been just like that church. I have a relationship with my Savior, and I have had a friendship in the past where I wanted to please Him, but now it has been reduced to my duty. It pains me to write that. Sometimes I think I'm ridiculous for writing things on here for the whole world to read because then they will all see what a failure I am...but this is the truth. This is where I am at. This is what God is teaching me and revealing to me and this is the depths to my sinfulness. I want to do things because I love Him. I want to know Him more and to get to know Him and for that to be more important to me than anything else. Him and only Him. I don't want to do things out of duty. I want my heart behind it to be because I love my Savior...because He is the only one deserving of my love. I can't believe I've forgotten that and I am honestly just so incredibly fed up with me and my selfish heart. I want to intimately know His heart and respond to it in love, not obligation. And I know that's what He wants for me too. I know that I cannot change any of this by my own strength. Honestly I'm just a bit perplexed as to where to go from here...what my response needs to be. And that's my prayer...that I don't know, but I know that God is faithful to teach me and that He will. Please be praying for me. :) Thank you guys.

Day of Prayer

I should be doing homework right now. I have a busy day ahead of me and lots of homework to be getting done, but I wanted to write. Today was Day of Prayer at school. I have always loved Day of Prayer, because it's really easy to just get so caught up in homework and learning and miss God. I know that sounds silly because I am attending a Bible school where EVERYTHING is about God, but it's so easy to just learn head knowledge and not use the time as time to get to know the one true God. I'm a bit ashamed saying that, but it's the truth. Sometimes I just look at my list of homework and things to do and think, "Oh my goodness, I have no idea how I am going to get all of this done!" (And you're thinking, GET OFF THE COMPUTER THEN! But seriously...if I didn't have times of reflection and honest times of sharing what God is laying on my heart, the work I do here would be pointless.) What ends up happening sometimes is that I just get busy and rush through reading and don't take the time to grasp the truth. Even in classes, it's the same thing. You have to engage and not only engage, but you have to walk in faith. I cannot explain to you how everything I am learning has seemed to come together today and hit me right between the eyes, because that would just be too much information and would probably come out a jumbled mess, but I know this: I'm sick and tired of myself. I'm fed up with me...I despise me...I'm done. I've been sitting in Romans and getting so excited, learning and hearing and seeing things I've never seen before. I've been learning new truths and completely believing them, but letting it end there. And today it hit me: I'm learning about my utter depravity and believing it, knowing that it's true, but my response hasn't been to look at Him. My response hasn't been dependence upon Him. And I know that's WHY He reveals to us our depravity...so that we understand that our only option is to turn to Him. But I've been running away from that. I know the truth but honestly, in my heart I've been rejecting it. I sat here in my room this morning and just cried. I didn't even get that I had been rejecting it. I knew that it was truth and I knew that God would use time to appropriate it in my life, but I was content to just sit back and not take Him at His word. It's like I reverted back to the whole "magical" mindset...you know, someday it will just click and I'll get it and do it all the time. How wicked is my heart?! How incredibly deceitful. I'm sick of it. I want to take God at His word. I don't want to just hear truth and to know truth and believe it, I want to walk in it. WALK. And I know that this is a moment-by-moment thing and that I will choose to walk in it some times and not in others, but I'm done making excuses for myself and being content to just learn and believe. I want to take Him at His word, because that is the ONLY truth and the only TRUE way to live.

Prayer

Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long since I've updated; our internet hasn't been allowing us to connect to this website for some reason. But it is fixed now.

I have a prayer request to send out to you all. My friend Heather Faehnle, who was only 22 years old, passed away on Saturday. Please be praying for her family. She was a beautiful woman who had such a passion for the Lord when we were in high school...she was someone that I looked up to. She always had a joy about her and was such an encouragement to me. She died unexpectedly and I think it would be wonderful if the body of Christ could just intercede on behalf of her family and just be lifting them up in prayer. She will be missed dearly. Thank you guys so much.

Tribal People

Today in Romans we dug into the rest of chapter 1. I can't even explain how much I'm learning. We had some discussion groups about whether or not people who have never heard the gospel can go to heaven. We actually had a debate about it, which caused me to think a lot about the topic. Obviously, since I want to go into missions, I've thought a lot about this subject before, but we talked about what others say who might disagree with us and how we are to respond to them. We used the Bible to defend and used verses that we had heard defend both sides...which was a neat approach. It really helps you to think about what the BIBLE says, not just what you THINK it says, but what it really is saying. Basically, it's going to take a LOT more time going through verses and figuring out how to defend the truth of the Bible. It's so crazy to me that people have such different opinions, too! But I'm learning a lot.

I've been working today preparing for a timed essay I have to take tomorrow. I am SO grateful for my teachers and the time that they put into deciding what assignments to give us. All of our assignments are extremely beneficial; there's no busy work at this school. It's really nice to have assignments that cause us to really think about what we are learning and take everything back to the Bible. I am so fortunate to go to a school that does that. Anyways, this essay is basically on the believer and how believers in America make their decisions typically. These decisions are all over the board from what to do with their lives, to who they date and marry. We are also writing about what we think about people and change and how relationships work. It's been interesting to evaluate the "American Christian" worldview on these issues and then try to back them up with the Word...or to see that you can't back it up with the Word and a lot is just influenced by culture. We live in a "Christian nation" with "Christian" ordeals, yet we have little Biblical basis for the way we make decisions...as a whole I mean. Anyways, it's interesting to be learning and to be seeing for myself.

You know what else is totally crazy to me? We have truth in creation, but we reject it. We HAVE truth. Yet we don't want to believe it and we suppress it or cause it to be suppressed in others. This is what we focused on in Romans today. And in a way it almost baffles my mind. So many times I read those verses about someone else, but really, I have that too. Yes, I have more than that, praise be to God, but I have truth in creation as well. I don't know, but there are definitely a lot of sobering thoughts from that book. But now I must leave you all to go and do some homework. :)

Debtor

Today we officially began Romans. As some of you know, I had been studying Romans over Christmas break and was excited to dig in. I have read through the first chapter of Romans five different times with the express purpose of making observations (finding repeated words, lists, phrasing, etc.) and each time I have found MORE things that I missed before. My goodness this book is PACKED with so much amazing truth. Seriously I am just constantly amazed at our God.

So let me start at the beginning. Chapter 1 verse 1. Paul's introduction is filled with truth. He calls himself a bond-servant of Christ. How many times I have read over these words without stopping to think what they really mean. A bond-servant. In the Roman world this was someone who forsook his own rights and lived for his master. What an eloquent truth that completely knocks me back. Forsaking my rights for Christ, the man who bought me? Wow, I know that's truth, but I don't live that. And then Paul goes on to say he is called an apostle and separated unto the gospel of God. He lives for the gospel of God. His focus is on getting the gospel out to the world. As much as that is my heart, do I LIVE for that consistently, day by day, moment by moment? Is everything I do in order to get the gospel out? Challenging thought.

Paul then goes on to describe who Christ is, both to the Jews as their King and to the Gentiles as the Son of God. It is through Christ that we have been given the ability to preach to ALL nations for Christ's name sake. It's all about HIM!

And then Paul talks about how the believers at Rome are called saints and beloved of God. He talks about how he longs to come to them and give them a spiritual present of discipleship and fellowship with them. And then in verse 14 he says this: "I am debtor both to Greeks and to Barbarians, both to the wise and to the foolish." Debtor. Debtor of what? Well, he goes on to explain that because of his debt, he is ready to preach the Gospel. It is his call to go and preach. He considers himself a debtor to those who have not heard! If only this was the heart cry of more Christians, even of myself. I am a debtor to those who have not heard. That's a complete worldview change for so many of us, including myself. I've never thought of myself as a debtor to the unreached. Sure, I want to go, I'm passionate to go, but a debtor to them to go? That's revolutionary in my mind. It's so crazy to think about the focus of Paul and to compare it with my own focus. So many times I fall short of focusing on God in all things. I can't live this life on my own. I can't even think about things rightly on my own. I need Him. I need Him more than breath. I need Him more than food. I need Him if I want to live. I cannot think or act or do right without Him.

Lord, remind me of these truths every day, every moment. Show me the wrong-thinking that I cling to. Reveal to me the depths of my heart and remind me that the only answer is found in you. Thank you for your incredible grace that You have shown toward me, that I am called a child of yours, that you pursue me with unending love though I do not deserve it. You alone are worthy of praise.

1st Day of Class!

So I'm attempting to get better at writing on here and keeping everyone informed of what is going on. We will see how long this trend lasts before I am so bogged down with homework that I barely have time to eat. I can almost feel those days coming...but until then, I will update you as often as I can. :)

Today was the FIRST day of classes! For those of you who don't know, here at NTBI we take ALL of our morning classes (8-12 o'clock) with the same people, whatever class you entered the school with. So for me, I take all my morning classes with the newly acclaimed junior class. We started with a little over 20 and are now down to 13, which is sad, but we really like our little class. Unfortunately, due to a shortage of teachers, we have had to do a little rearranging of schedules. Our 8:00 class every block this semester is with the Senior class. I don't know about you, but I certainly don't like going from a class of 20-13 to a class of around 60-70. It's just a whole different dynamic. BUT I know that I will get used to it and I am so thankful that I am able to be here under the instruction of God's Word, so I know that it will become the new normal...even though I still think it's sad. :( However we were able to start Daniel/Revelation with the seniors today and man am I excited to get more into that class...it's the only one I haven't started homework for so far! After Dan/Rev, we started Romans. I had been marking up a copy over break...although I haven't gotten past the 10th chapter...and I went back to look at my copy again today and to make some outline divisions. However, I just got so caught up in making more markings and writing more questions and circling key words and listing what man is and who God is and sooooo much more, that I didn't even get to my outline...which is the actual assignment that I need to get cracking on. But I just get so excited with what I read!

The last class was Family Relationships. I'm really looking forward to this class. We have to write an essay (due on Wednesday) where we have to interview and get a feel for how Christians view dating and how they choose who they date, etc. It's going to be a really interesting paper. It's already made me think a lot about my own values in dating and my own mistakes as well. It's been really neat to see God continue to just grow me in areas, even though the process is sometimes incredibly painful. I'm looking forward to really digging into the Word and what HE has to say about dating and marriage relationships, because HIS truth is MY truth...I just need to find out what that is. Honestly, with some situations that have happened recently, I feel like my heart is so ready to hear these truths. I've seen how I can royally screw things up with my ideas and my thoughts toward dating, especially lately, and I am looking forward to learning. :)

I also just finished a pamphlet for that class on child-rearing. It was definitely a perspective I haven't really thought about or heard before and I'm going to do a lot more chewing on these new thoughts and ideas. It's funny to look at things in light of what culture says and in light of what you grew up with and compare it to what the Bible says...and sometimes I think it has astonishing results. Well at least it did for me. Definitely some good thoughts.

I also got to go to coffee with a good friend today. It is really neat to be able to relate stories of similar situations and frustrations and be able to both bring it back to God and the truth He has revealed to us. I was so encouraged today.

Tonight was also the first night back at youth group! I've missed those kids...they are so great! We sang and talked about Moses and had a snowball fight (out of paper snowballs because the real ones outside were more ice-balls) and just enjoyed the fellowship. Then we came home and spent an hour working out as part of my new work-out regiment...gotta get in shape for this wedding. :)

Oh, and just so you all know, Kayla and I decided to do a sugar fast UNTIL the wedding! That means more than 6 months with no sugar...what a challenge. I'm up for it though. We will have wedding cake to celebrate our victory. I can't wait for that day to come! Oh the anticipation!

Can't Sleep

Tomorrow is the first day of classes...actually today is...and I can't sleep. I'm not nervous or anything like that, I just can't seem to get my eyes to close. So instead of lying in my bed right now for how knows how long, I decided to write. :)

Some things God has been teaching me:
- He is in control. I'm actually becoming less of a "set" planner, believe it or not.
- He is bigger than my circumstances. When things look a mess and I've royally screwed things up, He still loves me and He is MORE than enough to take care of things. All I gotta do is let Him. :)
- He has given me all that I need in Him. I think I'm going to be learning this one for the rest of my life. I'm complete. There's nothing that I lack.
- I'm going to make mistakes. But it's been so nice to see people rallying around me even when I do. And it's nice to know that my mistakes don't affect my Father's love for me. He accepts me all the same.
- I can get so caught up in things and so focused on what's going on around me that I miss the point of my existence. It's not for anything but Him. He desires to produce Himself in me and that's why I'm here...yet sometimes I get caught up in things of the earth. Wow, to live with an eternal mindset 24/7. What an amazing thing that would be. Oh how I long for that.
- I'm just like everyone else. There's nothing that makes me special. There's no special badge for me just because I'm going to be a missionary...I'm just like everyone else. And that means the ONLY way that I can be a missionary is through dependence upon Him. It's through faith in Him and trust in Him. He said to go and I will go as I depend on Him in me. I can't do it without Him.

My life today looks very different than I thought it would. I used to dream about being an overseas missionary, but I guess some part of me never believed I would be here...doing it, training for it. There have been so many times I have been scared and I'm sure I'll be scared more. There have been so many times when I've thought about all I'm giving up and not wanted to do it, so many times I've been selfish in my thinking. But what is a job and a nice house and a family raised by their grandparents? They are great things, but compared to tribal people's eternity, they aren't important. They would be so nice, but they aren't eternal. Having brothers and sisters in Christ when I get to heaven who are from remote villages...that's eternal. Having brothers and sisters in Christ who are from Jackson, Michigan or Columbus, Ohio...that's eternal. Whatever the cost. Man...I want that to be my heart ALL the time. It's all about Him, not me and my wants and needs. It's about HIM.

I've struggled a lot with this whole process. It's really real to me...I'm going overseas. I might go overseas alone, which scares me to death, but guess what? I'll go. I was supposed to speak at my church over break, but due to the weather it was canceled. I am so glad for the time I had to prepare for that presentation; I can't tell you how valuable it was for me. I learned so much about myself in the process. I learned how desperately I need encouragement, to know that this isn't MY thing, but the church's thing, believer's thing. Yes, I may be the one to go, but I so desperately need a TEAM of people who want to see tribes reached just as badly as I do. I need them to encourage me in the hard times, when I am discouraged and feeling alone. I need to know that I'm part of a team, because I'm not a one-woman show, I'm just one part of the body. I need the other parts. :) I need YOU.

And now for some photos from the past few months:

These are my three best friends and I at our Christmas party, Jamie, Bethany, and Kayla. We have a lot of fun together. :) Bethany (the other short one) is getting married this summer. I'm so excited for her and the rest of us are her bridesmaids, along with her sister. I can't wait to make my trip out west to see her get married!


This is me making Christmas cookies over break! YUM!



These pictures are from a trip I took with my parents in October to Wayumi. It's basically a crash course on tribal missions and it was an AMAZING experience. My parents really learned a lot about what I am going to be doing and it was neat to be there. These pictures are from the time we got to spend in the "tribe." That's right, we got to talk to some tribal folks and ask them questions....well okay, we kind of HAD to, but it was a really neat experience and I HIGHLY recommend WAYUMI. :)

Well, that's all the updating I am going to do for now. I'm gonna try out this bed one more time...

BACK!

I'm officially back at school! Tomorrow starts classes and I'm really excited. My class of 15 is now down to a measly 12 due to people not being able to come back, BUT I'm excited nonetheless. I got back on Sunday night and was greeted by a room that was probably heated to about 90 degrees....no joke. Oh the joys of having a radiator. :) But I'm thankful to have heat in this snowy state!

For those of you who don't know, one of my best friends at school got engaged over break and is taking the semester off to save money for her wedding on June 26th! She was able to come back Sunday and is staying till Saturday to say her final goodbyes and pack up her room. She will definitely be missed, but we have been enjoying her while she's here. We have to go bridesmaid dress shopping and I'm excited! We've been doing lots of wedding planning and it's been so exciting to be able to do it in person!



Bethany and I at our Christmas party

I'm soooo excited to start classes tomorrow. It's going to be a great semester. Tomorrow we start Daniel/Revelation, Romans, and Family Relationships...and I'll be updating you so soon!