Some things God has been teaching me:
- He is in control. I'm actually becoming less of a "set" planner, believe it or not.
- He is bigger than my circumstances. When things look a mess and I've royally screwed things up, He still loves me and He is MORE than enough to take care of things. All I gotta do is let Him. :)
- He has given me all that I need in Him. I think I'm going to be learning this one for the rest of my life. I'm complete. There's nothing that I lack.
- I'm going to make mistakes. But it's been so nice to see people rallying around me even when I do. And it's nice to know that my mistakes don't affect my Father's love for me. He accepts me all the same.
- I can get so caught up in things and so focused on what's going on around me that I miss the point of my existence. It's not for anything but Him. He desires to produce Himself in me and that's why I'm here...yet sometimes I get caught up in things of the earth. Wow, to live with an eternal mindset 24/7. What an amazing thing that would be. Oh how I long for that.
- I'm just like everyone else. There's nothing that makes me special. There's no special badge for me just because I'm going to be a missionary...I'm just like everyone else. And that means the ONLY way that I can be a missionary is through dependence upon Him. It's through faith in Him and trust in Him. He said to go and I will go as I depend on Him in me. I can't do it without Him.
My life today looks very different than I thought it would. I used to dream about being an overseas missionary, but I guess some part of me never believed I would be here...doing it, training for it. There have been so many times I have been scared and I'm sure I'll be scared more. There have been so many times when I've thought about all I'm giving up and not wanted to do it, so many times I've been selfish in my thinking. But what is a job and a nice house and a family raised by their grandparents? They are great things, but compared to tribal people's eternity, they aren't important. They would be so nice, but they aren't eternal. Having brothers and sisters in Christ when I get to heaven who are from remote villages...that's eternal. Having brothers and sisters in Christ who are from Jackson, Michigan or Columbus, Ohio...that's eternal. Whatever the cost. Man...I want that to be my heart ALL the time. It's all about Him, not me and my wants and needs. It's about HIM.
I've struggled a lot with this whole process. It's really real to me...I'm going overseas. I might go overseas alone, which scares me to death, but guess what? I'll go. I was supposed to speak at my church over break, but due to the weather it was canceled. I am so glad for the time I had to prepare for that presentation; I can't tell you how valuable it was for me. I learned so much about myself in the process. I learned how desperately I need encouragement, to know that this isn't MY thing, but the church's thing, believer's thing. Yes, I may be the one to go, but I so desperately need a TEAM of people who want to see tribes reached just as badly as I do. I need them to encourage me in the hard times, when I am discouraged and feeling alone. I need to know that I'm part of a team, because I'm not a one-woman show, I'm just one part of the body. I need the other parts. :) I need YOU.
And now for some photos from the past few months:
These are my three best friends and I at our Christmas party, Jamie, Bethany, and Kayla. We have a lot of fun together. :) Bethany (the other short one) is getting married this summer. I'm so excited for her and the rest of us are her bridesmaids, along with her sister. I can't wait to make my trip out west to see her get married!
This is me making Christmas cookies over break! YUM!
These pictures are from a trip I took with my parents in October to Wayumi. It's basically a crash course on tribal missions and it was an AMAZING experience. My parents really learned a lot about what I am going to be doing and it was neat to be there. These pictures are from the time we got to spend in the "tribe." That's right, we got to talk to some tribal folks and ask them questions....well okay, we kind of HAD to, but it was a really neat experience and I HIGHLY recommend WAYUMI. :)
Well, that's all the updating I am going to do for now. I'm gonna try out this bed one more time...
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