Winter Wonderland

If only I had the time to blog everyday. My thoughts would definitely make more sense as I would be able to expound upon them more, but nevertheless, I will do my best! If you live on the east coast, you know that blizzards have been falling upon us. Yesterday and today we got our first REAL Michigan snow. Now, for those of you who don't know, my school and dorm are all in the same building. I never have to leave the school at all...except for church, youth group, and the times when I'm just plain nutty from being cooped up in one building with 150 other people 24/7. :) BUT, one of the amazing things about my community is how we all work together to take care of each other. While this is "required," it really is a blessing. For instance, when we have big snow storms, all the guys are split up on snow crew teams and get up in the wee hours of the morning and shovel. I can't tell you what a blessing that is! It's neat to see students with a servant's heart, faithfully taking care of the needs of the student body. And the staff even scraped off all the cars in the parking lot today! What an amazing act of service. So thank you to all who partook in serving us in the snow.

Snowy days like today are perfect for curling up on my bed and reading. :) And I have quite a large supply of reading these days. Today one of my assignments was called "What is the believer's rule of life" by George Zeller. To be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to reading it, but God has definitely used it to reveal His truth in my life. We are about to start Romans chapter 7 tomorrow in class and this reading was on whether a believer is under the Law or not, and if not, what rule a believer is to follow. The article was very challenging in many different ways, but one thing really stuck out to me.

"What then is the Christian life all about? The Christian life is simply knowing a PERSON, loving HIM, seeking to please HIM, walking with HIM, honoring HIM, obeying HIM, thanking HIM, rejoicing in HIM, delighting in HIM, trusting in HIM, growing in HIM, talking to HIM, talking to others about HIM, abiding in HIM, learning of HIM, learning from HIM, sitting at HIS feet and enjoying HIS presence. Note the emphasis on HIM (on a person). As we go through each day, are we walking with a person and enjoying Him or are we following a religious, ritualistic, legalistic routine?"

I read this and sat there and thought, is this how I view my walk with God? Yes, I have a relationship with Him. But He doesn't want simply a relationship; He wants a friendship. Do I do the things that I do because I LOVE Him, because my desire is to please Him like a wife's desire is to please her husband, or do I do it because I have to? Butch was talking today in Revelation 2 on the church at Ephesus and how they had lost their first love. He was talking about a marriage where the wife had "vacant eyes" and was doing the things she was supposed to, but the flame was gone. Honestly, it didn't click in that class....well, it did in reference to the church, but not to me. But when reading the above paragraph it suddenly clicked. I have been just like that church. I have a relationship with my Savior, and I have had a friendship in the past where I wanted to please Him, but now it has been reduced to my duty. It pains me to write that. Sometimes I think I'm ridiculous for writing things on here for the whole world to read because then they will all see what a failure I am...but this is the truth. This is where I am at. This is what God is teaching me and revealing to me and this is the depths to my sinfulness. I want to do things because I love Him. I want to know Him more and to get to know Him and for that to be more important to me than anything else. Him and only Him. I don't want to do things out of duty. I want my heart behind it to be because I love my Savior...because He is the only one deserving of my love. I can't believe I've forgotten that and I am honestly just so incredibly fed up with me and my selfish heart. I want to intimately know His heart and respond to it in love, not obligation. And I know that's what He wants for me too. I know that I cannot change any of this by my own strength. Honestly I'm just a bit perplexed as to where to go from here...what my response needs to be. And that's my prayer...that I don't know, but I know that God is faithful to teach me and that He will. Please be praying for me. :) Thank you guys.