Presentation

Happy Holidays! I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas with your family! I just wanted to update you all that I will be speaking in the Fellowship Hall of Dublin Baptist Church on January 7 at 7 P.M. Bring a dessert to share and come hear what the Big Picture of tribal missions looks like!

Break

So far I have been on break for a little over a week now. It's been kind of a crazy break already, but thankfully I have been able to do some relaxing. The first few mornings I made oreo truffles....14.5 dozen of them....for people that I was selling them to. If you've ever made oreo truffles then you know that it is a very labor intensive process full of frustration at times...at least for me. BUT, all the ones that I had to make to sell are done and now I am currently putting off all the ones I have to make to give as gifts. :) But I will hopefully be starting and finishing that tomorrow.

I have been doing some study of Romans since I've been home. I will jump right into that book when I go back to school, as it is one of my first classes, and I wanted to study it a bit on my own beforehand. It's been really cool to look at it more closely and to see things I've never seen before. I'm excited as I learn on my own to look forward to what all I will be learning in class. :)

It's also been great to have time to spend with my family. I love them so much and it's funny how much more I enjoy their company the older that I get. There's a part of me that sometimes feels a bit confused being at home because the life I live here is so different than the life that I live at school; one is the one I've grown up with and know and the other is the path that I am pursuing for life. It's been an interesting process to work through...and I still am...but it's been good too. :) It's neat to see God working no matter what situation He has me in. And it's been so good to be able to have good conversations with my family where we share what we have all been learning. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them and their hearts to share with me.

I'm looking forward to the next few weeks and being able to see more of my family and celebrate Christmas. I'm also looking forward to seeing Andrew again...being 2,000 miles apart isn't exactly my favorite thing, even though I know that time apart is beneficial as well as time together....I'm looking forward to the time together part. :) I hope that you and your family have a wonderful time celebrating Christ's birth and remembering why we celebrate Christmas. :)

More on 1 Corinthians

So pretty much I sat in class today and felt like I had been kicked in the face. I know that may sound dramatic...but it's honestly how I felt. I have never been so consistently convicted in my life in so many BIG ways. And it's one of those mixed emotions....it's great to see the Spirit working....and it's like, "Wow, I REALLY REALLY suck. Guess the only thing to do is depend on God cuz I got nothing good in me." (For lack of emphasis, I used poor grammar.) And that has just pretty much been my life lately. It's the end of the semester and life is full of tests and projects and 20 hour papers along with cleaning up the dorm and the regular school cleaning job and saying goodbye to my church family here and friends. It's such a busy time of the year and honestly, I will be completely grateful for the "break" that I hope to get at home. Yes, it will be busy, but it will be nice to have time to process what I've been learning more.

We've been talking about liberties and freedoms in Christ for the past few days and it's pretty much been a wake-up call....especially mixed with the talk about living in light of eternity. How many of my day to day decisions are lived that way? It's scary to think about all the rewards I've lost. But Christ set us FREE...we are FREE in Him. Many people see the freedom as it is...as a freedom. We are no longer under condemnation and are free to make choices as we please; they have no standing on our position before Christ. BUT, why did Christ set us free? Ah, and this is the question no one asks...the question I'm not sure I asked before a few days ago. Christ set us free so that we would be free to serve others. Think about Israel. They weren't free to serve others however they pleased. They were under the Law. But we are not! We are free from the Law and free from condemnation. FREE! How awesome is God's grace? So incredible. :) SOOOO, if we are free from the law and we have the freedom to serve others, we must be careful to not become a SLAVE to our freedoms. Here's the thing about the flesh: a) it never goes away or diminishes in the least AND B) it has the power to pervert things God intended for good. That means that my flesh and living with a carnal attitude can pervert the fact that I am free. WHOA! What a crazy thought. It's only by walking in the Spirit (and what does that mean? well...I'm learning...and I'll share it with you either as you ask or as I have more time to write later) that we can not fulfill the desires of the flesh. And that, my friends, has been a revolutionary thought to me. I have the freedom to LAY DOWN my freedoms for the sake of others. I count the cost of my decisions (or I'm supposed to) in order to evaluate which choice would save more souls, would give me an inroad in someone's life, would further the gospel in some ways. Paul laid down some of his BASIC rights...rights that here in America we FIGHT for people to have, we hold so strongly to our rights, we are so proud of them....yet Paul laid them aside. He laid aside the right to food...not just fancy food...but FOOD...WOW. This stuff just blows my mind and challenges my heart. God is good.

1 Corinthians

So far my favorite class of the semester has to be 1 Corinthians. Every day I sit and am amazed at the power of God's Word. Every day I sit and am challenged that my beliefs and my thoughts and my attitudes do not all line up with the Bible. It's encouraging to see the Spirit working through the Word of God. I thought that I would share some of it with you all.

First off, just some background on Corinth. Corinth was a town kind of like our Las Vegas. It was the center of blowing money for the people at the time...mostly on prostitutes. It was a town of much importance; it is surrounded by seas and on the Isthmus that connects Greece to the Peloponnesian Peninsula. The Isthmus is so small that it was actually cheaper for ships to drag their boats across Corinth on a roadway called the Diolkos or for them to unload their cargo and transport it by wagon over to boats waiting on the other side. It was a major center of commerce! A nickname for prostitutes worldwide at the time was "corinthian women." You often hear people say that the Bible was written in a different time where the men didn't have to deal with all of the sexual temptation like the world we live in, but if you look at Corinth, you would have to think otherwise. Prostitution was on almost every corner and readily available, a huge part of the culture. And this is the world to which Paul wrote 1 Corinthians.

Now that we know a bit about the culture, I want to share with you some things that have been impacting me lately. First of all, the letter to the Corinthian church was necessary because a) Paul was informed of immorality and division within the church and b) the church had written to Paul asking him for advice and instruction in the Lord. The Corinthian church was a MESS! And yet Paul begins his letter to them by stating who they are in Christ and telling them that he is THANKFUL for them always. I don't know about you, but this is one of those worldview smackdowns. Oftentimes I see believers who are carnal and then (enter pride) think of them in my head as almost second-rate. They aren't living the way that they should be and that causes me to think less of them. But God doesn't see things that way. There is nothing that they can do or that I can do to make my standing with God any better. I truly believe that, yet sometimes my thoughts do not show this. Sometimes I am just thinking "This is the reason that the world thinks Christianity is full of a bunch of hypocrites." Yet instead of addressing believers in love and then addressing the hard subjects, I am content to judge them in my heart, look down upon them, and let it go. That is not the heart of Christ. That is not the example that we have in Paul. Paul constantly brings them back to their position being found in Christ, which is the reason they are erring in the first place. Paul first gave them an understanding of what things are true of them and then told them how to respond and what actions flow out of what is true of them. What a different way to think of things. It is very contrary to the way that I have seen things handled and the way I think to handle things myself, but then again, human wisdom often is contrary to God's way. It was really neat being able to see this though. God continues to show me examples of truth and love combined. :)

Well I have already written so much and I'm not even past the first 9 verses! So I'm going to take a break for now and go eat some dinner. Check back soon for some more of what I'm learning as I continue to update you!

Encouragement

I am currently taking Bible Basis of Missions and 1 Corinthians. I cannot tell you how awesome these classes have been! I feel like I say that about all of my classes, and honestly, I really think it has been true. I have learned so much and my outlook on the Word and how I read it has changed so drastically since I arrived here. It has been so good. :) God has been breaking down wrong thinking in my life and continues to do so. These classes have definitely helped. They have got my mind thinking about things and how God views the things that I do. We have been challenged in 1 Corinthians over and over again to live in view of the Kingdom. This isn't something I really feel that I do. I know that it's coming. I know that I will have a place in it. I know that God gave me freedom so that He could reign in my life and so that I would be free to serve others and show His life in my own. Yet my own life has not reflected this very often. My own life has been centered on the here and now. God is revealing truth to me. I am seeing my need and realizing more and more how much I need Him. The more I learn, the more I realize my need for Him and for His indwelling. How wonderful that He DOES indwell me!

On another note, my mom is on her first overseas mission trip right now. She is such an encouragement to me. If you know my mom, then you would understand why. It's so neat to see how she is trusting God, how she is stepping out to be involved in God's Work around the world and knowing by faith that He is going to show up. All of this is just so encouraging. A lot of people take on the attitude of "well, you have to be in your twenties to do overseas mission work. Anything older than that is pointless." Mom doesn't have that attitude. She is taking the moments as they come and giving God what time she does have. Thank you Momma for your desire to follow God even when it scares you, even when it's unlike anything you've ever done before. He is a great and mighty God!

I have been so blessed here at school with so many encouraging friendships. I have been able to have several people speak truth into my life, encourage me to walk in the truth that I know, pray for me, and so many other things. I have watched people back home praying for me, encouraging me, giving to me, and so many more things. A few weeks ago I was feeling very discouraged, very disconnected from the church body. God has answered my prayer and encouraged my heart. Thank you for those of you that He used to do so, for letting Him encourage me through you. Thank you so much.

Sacrifice and Preparation

We've been talking a lot about the whole purpose of our training here at Bible school and what the future will look like, and it seems to me that it all boils down to this: sacrifice. I know that's weird since it's so counter-cultural, but the Christian life normally is. It's cool that we are all in the same boat...we are ALL called to live lives of sacrifice and it looks different for every individual in the Body of Christ.

In reference to the training at the Bible School, they made some statements that made a lot of sense regarding our homework load. I went to a university and attended community college, so this is not my first experience in "higher education." I think I thought this would be easier than my university experience since it's not an "accredited" institution, but I had a rude wake-up call when I arrived. Not only was the class schedule more intense than what I had at the university, but the homework load a LOT more and the time I spent was significantly more as well. Here at the Bible Institute, I am in classes from 8-12 every day with electives in the afternoon. But I tend to spend the majority of my day doing homework and studying the Word. It's an awesome privilege that I have to be able to be in such an intense environment focused on studying God's Word, but sometimes it's easy to feel burnt out from all the work. I have decided its because I am used to a lot more free time than what I have here. But the leadership here addressed this and told us that the reason that the work load is so heavy here isn't just so that we will be studying the Word, but because when we are on the mission field, it takes many many hours of intense study at EVERY level. At first, you have to master the trade language of the country, and then you have to master the tribal language, which is often much harder than the first language you learn. After that, you have to study how to teach and translate the Bible into their language, how to answer their questions that will come from their worldview being confronted. It's a process to get God's Word into languages who have no written word, and it takes dedication and sacrifice, so these are things that the leadership is trying to instill in us here. It makes doing homework much "easier" in the sense that I understand there's a higher purpose and there's a reason for all of this.

We were also looking at the Proverbs 31 woman in chapel the other day. That woman was so busy and never seemed to rest! It's actually a real challenge to my heart. It seems like an "American" excuse to say "Well, I just need some time for myself," and while I do think that there are valid times when this is true, I have found myself abusing this statement and taking many breaks that are unnecessary, just because I don't feel like working any more. But this wasn't the Proverbs 31 woman's attitude. She was diligent and worked for God, not resting until the job was done. What an encouragement to me when I am feeling lazy, to remember the capacity that God has given me to work and to continue on! :)

Sacrifice is another thing that has been stressed to us lately. The principles behind the thoughts are all universal principles, such as the fact that we are all called to "take up our crosses" and Jesus tells us of the persecution we will face as believers. We aren't called to live of this world, but to see the greater purpose of life as the Glory of God. Sacrifices are inevitable in giving God greater glory, because life isn't about us, it's about Him. But I've been thinking a lot about that practically and what all I am willing to give up for Him and His glory and what all that will practically look like. I made a list of my needs and then defined them. Silly as it may be, this is what it looks like:
-Food and water (Bugs and plants...they qualify!)
-Shelter (Lean-to in the jungle...or just shelter in trees and leaves)
-Clothing (One pair...onen is enough)
While this list is not necessarily ideal, it is something I can look back upon and give thanks, even if my possessions and needs are met only by the things in this list (and this list could change as I realize God's provision in simpler means...but this was the simplest that I could come up with).

Today was the last day of the fourth block of classes. That means I only have three weeks left of classes and only two classes left to take; Bible Basis of Missions and 1 Corinthians. I am very excited to start them and to see what else God wants to teach me, and I'm glad to be done with all of the projects that were due at the end of this block; I counted more than 22 hours of homework I have done in the past three days! But then again...that's simply God preparing me. :)

I had previously been feeling a little discouraged and disconnected and had sent out a request to some supporters just that God would encourage my heart. It has been so neat to see the different ways that He has! Thank you all for your prayers; we serve such an amazing God who encourages our hearts as we find our rest and our strength in Him...and oh the grace he gives when He encourages our hearts when we are not finding our rest and strength in Him!

Musings

This semester has been a struggle for me. Unfortunately, I have been sick for the majority of it either with kidney stone pain or a sinus cold or something. It's been a struggle to keep up with schoolwork and to focus in class when some of the time I'm on heavy painkillers and have a hard time thinking about ANYTHING, much less deep truths of the Word of God. BUT, I am blessed to have great teachers who have taken much time to prepare lessons and notes for us, and I am thankful that I have all the material to review and re-learn during Christmas break. :)

I've been learning a lot lately about how this whole relationship with God thing works. Unfortunately, I do not hold the keys to it or really truly understand everything about it, but God is faithful to reveal to me new things about who He is and His character and who I am in Him. One of the big things that I have been learning without even realizing it is contentment where He has me. I have a passion for missions, a passion that I truly believe God gave me, but yet I am not overseas. When I was younger, this was a HUGE struggle for me. I wanted to be overseas, I wanted to be with those people and I would CRY and be upset that I couldn't be. In my head the only reason that I had this passion was to use it overseas, since that was what the passion was. I didn't realize the broad range of God's abilities to use my passion in many different areas. I didn't know that I didn't have to be overseas for Him to use that passion and drive in me. This was a totally new concept to me! But lately it has been neat to see God broadening my views on how He works and how I am to respond to the situations that I am put in. I am learning how to be less abrasive with my passion (my apologies if I have been abrasive to YOU in the past!) and how God wants to use it here and now. It's just been neat to have my eyes open to the truth in the statement : "No matter WHERE I am, my responsibility before the Lord is still the same; to know Him and make Him known." This is true of all believers, though we all play a somewhat different facet of this, and I've really been learning this lately. I can fulfill my purpose and my passion no matter where I am or what circumstances may surround me.

Another thing I have been learning is that while I am learning a lot ABOUT God, it has to be my decision to take that a step further and KNOW Him, walk and talk with Him. I can read the Bible and learn as much about Him as I want, but if I do not KNOW Him, if I do not depend on Him, this is a mute point. God wants me to KNOW Him, not just about who He is. I've heard this all my life and never really understood the difference between the two. Isn't reading my Bible getting to KNOW Him? And while it can be, it all depends on me and the attitude of my heart. If I am going to the Bible to read it and to study it, but not talk to God and rely on Him, I am just learning ABOUT Him. I'm not sure if all of this makes complete sense, because right now I feel like I am just clipping the tip of the iceberg, but I know that He is faithful to reveal to me more wrongs in my life and my thinking and to conform me into the image of His son. Thank the LORD!! :)

I am currently only on the FIRST square!!! And only in the first year! I've got a long way to go, but I'm excited for the journey!

Update

Whew! I feel as if time has just flown by! Things have been busy and crazy here, especially since I'm in 19 credit hours this semester, but I'm so thankful for the opportunity that I have to be studying here at New Tribes Bible Institute. It's crazy to think that before I know it, I will have graduated from this place. Time just flies!

I've been learning so much. I feel like I say that all the time, but it is seriously so true. I've been learning about foundations and God has been building mine. I've been learning that my faith has been so shallow for so long and I didn't even know it. I've been seeing things from a fresh perspective, understanding things that I simply glanced over before. Having spent so much time in the Old Testament, everything in the New Testament makes so much more sense now! It's so exciting. I remember coming to school last semester and being so frustrated that we were starting in Genesis...I already knew all of those stories!! But my perspective has changed SO much since starting. My mindset has been transformed and I'm just so thankful for those gifts that God gives us of transforming our minds. Mine definitely has a far way to go, but I know He will be faithful to transform me into the image of His son.

I've been having some kidney stone trouble lately. I'm not entirely sure what's going on there, but I will be going to the doctor in a few weeks and it'll be good to have a better idea of what is going on. :)

There is a really cool passage, Luke 12:35-48, that I just read in Life of Christ. For some reason it struck me differently this time than it ever has before. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it!

I had the opportunity to visit a different religion this week with my school group. It was a neat experience and I feel like I really learned a lot. I even got to eat food from a different culture! YUM!

I'd love your prayer as I continue to learn more in my classes. There is so much to learn!!

Firm Foundation

I've been learning a lot lately that has really cemented things in my head.

1. I am learning how God couldn't show me that I couldn't change myself for Him before I understood that I couldn't change others for Him either. This was a hard lesson to learn, but I'm glad that I did. Lessons build. :)

2. I'm learning that right now, I'm being constantly shown my failings...and that's good. I need to understand the extent of my failure; I need to be shown it and grasp it. What's amazing is that a year ago, given the same amount of failure, I wouldn't have seen it as such. God is growing me. :)

3. Going through the Bible from start to finish is really challenging my faith. It's such an amazing way to understand it, such a necessary way.

4. We heard a missionary in chapel today who taught the Bible from start to finish in a tribe. It was a powerful testimony, especially seeing that this guy and his wife were probably either in their late 20's to early 30's. Their stories really shed a lot of light to the process of what I'm going to be doing and why it's done that way. It was so good to see it in light of that. It was really encouraging and really challenging in the same way. We get so caught up in culture and making God a part of our lives that we lose sight of the fact that HE IS LIFE.

5. The families here have been amazing. I am so blessed to be around so many people who genuinely care about me. Thank you!!

I feel incredibly blessed to be at a place where my relationship with God is constantly challenged to grow and where I am learning His truths every day. The environment here is an incredible body of believers and I am so thankful for it. Thank you all for your support and your prayers!

School

School has officially started!! For those of you who don't know, these are the classes I will be taking this semester:

-Acts and the Roman World*
-The Love of God*
-Job*
-Prophets^
-Hermeneutics II
-Life of Christ
-Acts
-1 Corinthians
-Ruth, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon*
-Islam*
-Bible Basis of Missions
-Theology^
-Anthropology/Harmartiology
-Christology

^=Class I am currently in *=Elective

I have already been learning and thinking through a lot of different things. It's so neat to see God work. I went and talked with one of my deans today and we talked through a lot of things that made me realize that I do everything in my power to fix my problems or prevent them before they happen because I am afraid to fail...which is a pride issue. I know in my head that I can't change myself, that I can't fix myself, that my failures do not cause God to love me any less and my triumphs don't cause Him to love me any more...but my heart hasn't learned this yet. I still try. I still want to fix me...I still think at some point I will be perfect...like I'm climbing a ladder instead of simply walking. I can't make myself any better. I can only look at Him, depend on Him, let HIM change me. It's funny how hard we try. It's funny how our flesh can convince us of so many lies. But God is faithful to grow us and to reveal truth to us on HIS timing. As much as I want to absorb everything possible, I need to be content learning at His pace and knowing that He is graciously showing me what I can handle at the time. It's a lesson I feel I will probably be learning for the rest of my life. But I'm ready to learn. :)

Back at School

The summer is finally over. I am actually partly glad, although I have had an awesome summer at home. Here are the highlights:

-I was blessed with two jobs: One full-time+ job at the pool working in the office and one part-time job working with a 13-year old autistic girl...so awesome! I worked a lot, so if I didn't get to see you, then I'm sorry!!

-I have been able to make a lot of good friends this summer while at work. I was also able to reconnect with some old friends, which has been incredibly amazing.

-Thankfully, I was actually able to be a part of VBS this year, even though I was only there for two days. It definitely encouraged my heart in big ways!

-My church has been amazing. Their support and their prayers have been so awesome and I am just incredibly blessed.


-Someone from New Tribes moved to Hilliard!! That has been awesome! It's always good to have a support system with people who are headed in the same direction that you are. :)


But now I am back at school and it has already been great!! I feel like I was just gone for a short weekend! I had a smooth ride (not literal, you know, if you have ever driven in Michigan) and had a move-in crew move all of my stuff into my room in two short trips! I am unpacking and organizing it all tomorrow...along with a million other things that I have to do...but I am so excited to be here! At some point...probably Friday by the looks of things, I will begin my job hunting and filling out loads of applications. :) I'm looking forward to this new semester and all that it brings. Well, that's all for now. I'll update you more soon....
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Summer Contemplation

If you know practically anything about me, then you know I do a lot of thinking. Most of the time it's a lot of reflecting or mulling over an issue that I've been mulling over for weeks/months. Regardless of how concrete my thoughts are, I will indefinitely present them like I'm dead set in my beliefs. I haven't quite figured out why...maybe because I feel like I need someone to combat me and have a deep discussion with me, to say, "hey, you aren't seeing this" or "But you're completely leaving out the fact that..." Half the time I don't actually think I'm right for sure, I just have to come at a situation with a point of view first and then let the facts I didn't see before sculpt it. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's something I've noticed.

I've been thinking...no, reflecting a lot about who I am and where I have come from. Maybe because this summer has forced me to face some "ghosts" from my past. Maybe because I've learned more about myself in this past year than ever before. Maybe because it's just God's way of getting my attention and saying "Look at me and let me take care of the rest." Whatever the reason, I'm so thankful. Here's what I've learned:

1. I think I can fix things when I can't. That's why I manage decent grades...I'm comfortable with answers. If there's one right answer, you can always find it if you study hard enough. Life isn't like that. There's not always one answer and that used to frustrate me. What am I saying...it still does sometimes. But that's the great thing about not being in this life alone...the One who has ALL the answers is by my side to make them for me. Now if only I chose to go to Him more often to let Him decide.

2. A year ago my whole world as I knew it came crashing down. I picked up the pieces and went straight to God. I didn't understand at the time that He didn't want me to come to me AFTER picking up the pieces, but HE wanted to pick up the pieces. He didn't want me to be strong enough that I could pull myself together, but He wanted me to just look at Him.

3. I don't know much. I know that I will continue to learn for the rest of my life. Everytime it seems I forget that, there's some reminder....more often than not it's a not so gentle reminder of how human I am. I wouldn't want it any other way.

4. I feel like a completely different person than I was a year ago. I've learned a lot. I've learned that I can't change anyone, not even myself. I've learned that I want to be head over heels in love with someone. I've learned that the hardest person to please has always been myself and I need to cut myself and others a break. I've learned that being me makes me smile and laugh a lot. I've learned that I can't do a single thing for God. I've learned that throwing up my hands in defeat is not shameful. I've learned that I don't do that as often as I should, but I'm learning.

I'm learning. I keep saying that, but it's so true.

Praying

So I have always struggled with prayer. I don't know why, but it seems like it's just one of those things that trips me up. I think about God a lot, but praying only lasts a few minutes and then I get distracted and don't even realize that I'm onto something else and haven't finished speaking to my Savior. I'm embarrassed to admit all of that, but that's the truth. And I've tried all sorts of different things to help: praying aloud, praying ACTS, praying while I drive and the radio is off...but I still struggle. So I've been looking at praying in the Bible and well, I'm still in the Old Testament, but I've been seeing some really cool patterns. For instance, Abraham and Jacob (or is it Isaac...I think it's Jacob) both pray with little "reminders" of what God has already said. So I thought that was an awesome way to pray, something that would get me more actively involved and keep my eyes on Him more, so I started looking up verses for different situations that I pray about. I began in Romans and oh my goodness...spent so long in that book just getting so excited over what it had to say! I wrote down so many encouraging verses to pray through and for my friends. God's word is just full of so many important things and I just love being able to read through it! I feel so blessed to be studying it for the next year and a half. There's nothing better. :)

Fourth of July and Circumstances

Today is the Fourth of July. If you know me very well at all, you know I am not extremely patriotic. I think that's the perfectionist in me that sees all of our faults and isn't satisfied. But the older I get, the more I am becoming okay with all of these flaws, knowing that nothing is ever perfect here on earth, but we have hope of the perfection that will come someday. :) America isn't perfect. But here I have many freedoms that other people can only dream of. Here the only fear of sharing my faith stems from being made fun of, but not of losing my life. I am blessed to have grown up here and am thankful for those freedoms that I enjoy.

In other news, Red, White, and Boom was last night. For those of you who do not live in Ohio, it's this HUGE fireworks presentation in downtown Columbus where there's fair food and carnival games and just a lot of fun all day long and then this 30 minute firework show coordinated with music. And in all of my years living here I have never been. So, I went, and let me tell you, I had a fabulous time. The fireworks were like, right over our heads it seemed...we were so close! And we were right next to one of the radio stations so we had good music and a good view the entire time! And I spent it with such good friends! It was amazing.

This summer is not turning out anything like I anticipated. Some things have been harder than I thought, but a lot of it has just been so different than what I expected. I've gotten to know some really awesome people, mended some friendships, worked a LOT, and just learned a lot. I've been working on this timeline of the Bible and I feel like I only get to a few chapters at a time because I feel like there's so much detail that I can't just write "Noah's Ark," but I have to describe the entire event and what the sign was and what the covenant was and how long they were in the ark and all about the altar Noah set up after the ark....and basically I'm just recreating my notes from school only I'm writing them. Sometimes I wish that I could be a bit less particular...especially when it is taking me so long that I get frustrated with my minimal progress and then it discourages me. But I guess I'm learning perseverance. My goal was to get all the way to where I'll be starting up again in the fall (I believe that means all the way through the Old Testament), but I'm slowly beginning to see that was a lofty goal and I shouldn't expect so much of myself. Perhaps I'll just get through Exodus. Seriously...I think that might be as far as I can get.

I've also been seeing and learning that it doesn't matter where you are...if you're in a place where all you hear is "God this" and "God that" or if you're in a place where no one mentions God...it doesn't matter...it's all up to YOU. I mean, I know that...and I've known that, but I think it's been good for me to see that my relationship with God didn't magically get "better" because I went away to Bible school and I have a better understanding of Him. It doesn't get "easier" because you're surrounded by talk of Him; it really is a daily choice, moment-by-moment, step-by-step. And it's not that I didn't realize this until now, but I see it a lot clearer and it's just really encouraging to me. A relationship with God isn't about following prescribed steps. Experiencing the truth of that statement has been so awesome...even when I fail. I don't fail because I'm not surrounded by God or because there's no one to bring up how I'm doing in my walk; I fail because my eyes aren't focused on Him. Period. That's it. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, my eyes have to be set on His and if they aren't, I will fail because I will act on my own strength instead of trusting in His. I'm not sure if this makes sense to anyone else, but I've really enjoyed learning this. :)

Struggling

I don't know about you, but I am far from perfect. It seems that I am reminded of that everyday by the things I dwell on, by my consistent desire to try to change myself and others, by my restlessness revealed by the few, quiet times of rest in Him. I have a problem. It's called sin. And the thing is, there's nothing I can do about it. It's a part of me, but it's not a part of Him in me. It can be easy for me to get down on myself for the mistakes that I make, to want to change myself and to want to show others what He has shown me. God has been teaching me to bite my tongue and to only speak as He leads...which is hard for me at times...most times. Only God knows His perfect timing and the vessels He wants to use. I so often just jump at wanting to tell people things because they should know (according to my thinking) instead of just asking Him about it and using my words only as He leads. He has placed me in quite a few situations at home where I feel alone and hurt and frustrated and tired. But it's not about how I feel; it's about what I know to be true. And the truths of Him and His love for me revealed in His Word overpower however I am "feeling" at the moment because feelings come and go, but His Word remains forever. I want to be able to look at certain people with the eyes of Christ, but I am not. And I never will on my own strength. That's frustrating at times, but also so relieving. It's only frustrating because it's not my first instinct. I want to trust in myself, I want to do it all on my own, I want to even wallow in hurt and frustration sometimes because I feel so alone here. But He's calling me out of it. He's calling me to trust in Him, to look at Him, to behold Him, to rest in Him. It's so against our nature, so against my nature. And I fail time and time again. And He shows me my failures time and time again, gently, lovingly. In the stillness of it all, He speaks. And for His love and pursuit of my heart I am eternally grateful.

Worship

I have really enjoyed getting to know God better the past few days, having a RELATIONSHIP with Him, talking with Him, discussing my thoughts and my feelings with Him, just being with Him. I've been going through Genesis a second time and I've really been encouraged just to see the character of God develop, to see His heart for us. Oh man, God loves us so much. He loves us more than we can ever imagine or think of. It's amazing to me.

I know that this is probably ridiculous, but I've really been missing the worship at New Tribes. The words of songs are so powerful to me and sometimes I would just stand there and think about the words instead of singing, just really letting them sink in. I've been listening to some songs on YouTube that I learned at New Tribes. I've been listening to a lot of them. I will give you the names of them at the end of this post just in case you feel like looking some up. I promise they're good! :)

I've decided that I'm a very visual person. Seeing people's faces who I know have no access to the Gospel moves my heart. It's not like it moves me to want to save them or anything cuz I have no power to do that, but I guess it just fuels my fire. God has a heart for these people living in darkness. He wants to reach them with His message. Where does He want me to fit into that picture? I won't go for their sake; I will follow Him because of HIM, for the sake of following my master. We don't often call Him that...I think because we don't really like to relinquish control. Okay, so I don't. But He is our Master. I think I need to consistently remind myself of that truth. Who rules over my life? Who should be the Master?

Sometimes when I look at life, I think of a classroom where I'm the teacher. See if this makes sense to you. As I encounter a situation and ask the class, there's the kid in the front who is jumping up and down raising his hand, distracting me, sometimes obstructing my view if I let him. That's the world and their ideas of how to handle things. Sometimes it's myself. But then there's God, diligently holding up His hand and waiting for me to pick Him, to see past the world and their views, even though they are typically much more in my face, and to listen to Him and His advice. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but I thought I'd share.

Mighty To Save- Hillsong
From the Inside Out- Hillsong
The Stand- Hillsong
Mission's Flame- Matt Redman
You Never Let Go- Matt Redman
In Me- Casting Crowns
God of the City- Chris Tomlin

A little of this, a little of that

I've decided that I need to learn to post pictures. And take them. I'm terrible at that but I know I'll regret it later on in life.

I spent the last four days watching three of the best children ever. We had fun doing the following:
1)Making an enormous tent that covered an entire living room and then having a movie night/sleepover in it
2)Making homeade french fries...what's better than that!?!?!
3)Baking our very own pizza that looked pretty awesome even if all the pepperoni juice slid onto my pineapple
4)Going to see UP...good movie
5)Going to a candy store...that's always fun
6)Having water games 2009...there will be a water games 2010 to follow. It was a success.

I have to say that I loved watching them and playing mom. I'm looking forward to a family of my own someday...but thankful for the present stage in my life. :)

With two summer jobs (one full-time and one part-time), I will be very busy this summer!! But I know that I am working toward a school that is teaching me more about the God that I serve, and that makes it completely worth it!!

I've been learning a lot lately. God is teaching me dependence in MANY ways this summer. Oddly enough, I think God is going to be teaching me how to not act on my emotions as well...and by that I mean He has already started. May God continue to mold me into His image; I am far from it.

Humbled

It seems like the only thing that has happened since I arrived home is that God keeps humbling me. There's a part of me that wants to say, "Could you stop?! I know I'm crappy. I know I am a failure. I know I need you!" But then there's a bigger part of me that's so thankful for it. It's good to be constantly reminded of how much I need Him. It's good so that my pride doesn't get in the way. It's good so that I keep my focus. It hurts to consistently fall flat on my face, but I'm thankful for it.

It's funny because I used to think I was pretty good. I was a pretty good Christian who had the right heart and did pretty good things. WHOA. Hold up. WHAT?! My view on things was totally whacked up. I've been a pretty selfish Christian for a long time trying to do things in my own strength while thinking about God and what I should be doing for Him. I know I've talked about this a lot, but I think it's good for me to remind myself. That's still in me. It didn't leave. My view on things has changed and God is definitely working in my life, but underneath it all I still have those tendencies. And I need to bring myself back to that and continue to pray that my strength will be rooted in Him and not myself.

I've been incredibly blessed. And I mean incredibly. I'm excited to see what God continues to do this summer. I am hopefully going to be able to meet with a couple of girls so we can share what God is doing in our lives and encourage each other. At this point I have two jobs...God is GOOD and full of grace because I don't deserve any of this. I'm learning to love Him more and more. :)

Random Tidbits

I went and shadowed one of the workers for my other new part-time job. I have to say, I am kind of excited. And overwhelmed. I will be working with a 13 year old autistic girl this summer. Her family is great and she seems to be a very content kid. She is super active...into everything imaginable. I definitely will be getting my exercise! And learning. This is out of the ordinary for me and I'm not always going to know what to do. There's a part of me that's completely freaked out about that...I am good with plans and knowing exactly what I need to do...normally I won't do it unless I know that I won't fail. So that part scares me a bit. But I know that it will be so good. I know that God is going to use this to stretch me and to grow me. What an amazing God we serve that He would lay such opportunities at my feet.

Two challenging jobs for three months. :)

I finished unpacking earlier this week and have been organizing all of my notes and school materials. I even started an outline! This, I have realized, will take me all summer. My goal is to have a detailed outline up to where we are right now. I suppose at the end of every semester (unless I am able to do it during school) I will be able to update it and by the end of my two years, I will have a detailed outline of all Biblical events. That is the goal. We'll see how it goes. :)

Have you ever really sat and thought about how much we really have in Christ? I think it would be a good ritual every morning...to remind ourselves of what we have in Him and remind ourselves of His goodness. I realize that perhaps that is a tad impractical to think every morning it would be a possibility, but I still think it would be awesome. Let me dream. :) I'm just saying that if we started things out reminding ourselves of who we are in Him and what we have in Him, I have a feeling it would change our outlook on the day...and perhaps influence our decisions during the day. It's normally at the end of my day when I do most of my thinking...and when I seem to acknowledge God the most. It's not that I don't pray to Him during the day or think about Him, it's just that I seem to be more keenly aware of Him at the end of my day...as I look back and see all the times I should have gone to Him in dependence and then...oh wait, I just didn't even think about it. Ever have those days? I can't wait for the day when Christ brings me to completion. :)

Welcome to Reality

I guess I had forgotten what sort of "bubble" I have lived in for so long. And by that I really only mean since at NTBI (New Tribes Bible Institute for those of you who don't know). But at work today, I was shocked to hear some of the things that were coming out of people's mouths. I know that I shouldn't be and that this is good "practice" for the kinds of environments that I will be in, but it was such a culture shock. I sat there for four hours while these kids did nothing but bad-mouth others and make inappropriate sexual comments. And I sat there wondering what my place was in this situation. And honestly, that was pretty much all I did. I sat....the sad thing is that I didn't pray. I have no idea why I didn't...I sit there and think about God but don't actually talk to Him. Sometimes I don't make any sense. But hey, realizing your failures is growth, right?

I'd really appreciate prayer this summer. Please pray for wisdom on how to correctly handle situations and just that God would be glorified in my behavior. Thank you!

Musings

I've been thinking about how much I've learned in the past five months. It's been a lot. Things have been crazy and hard and busy and sometimes I didn't know what to do. But here are a few thoughts.

Words are so powerful. Just look at Proverbs. My goodness. Yet so many times I don't have a tight reign on my tongue. Instead of choosing my words carefully, I let my emotions choose them. This one is dangerous. I was talking to a friend the other day about venting. I've realized that most of the time, it's just an excuse to complain and let someone know how terrible this thing was. First of all, I tend to vent to others before talking to God. Um, bad choice. Second, it really is just complaining, wanting someone to feel bad for you. Talking calmly about problems is different from venting, keep in mind. And this is something God is working on me to correct.

I've also learned a lot about dependence. It's one of those freakishly clique moment by moment things. You hear it and you agree, but it's something totally different to GET it. I'm just now starting to GET it. God wants my whole heart. All of it. He wants me to come to Him. But so many times I don't. So many time I just don't even think about it. How terrible is that? It's my prayer that I would see Him more and more, not just in the big things, but in little, everyday life. I want Him to be so present that I see Him in everything. It's definitely going to be an ongoing prayer.

I've learned not to expect perfection. I am such a perfectionist. But I'm seeing more and more every day how much I fail. I'm far from perfect and that's the way it's supposed to be. That's why we need Jesus. And can I just say that reading your Bible and praying for yourself and for others is not enough! For so long I was so frustrated wondering why something was missing in my walk with God. I loved Him; I wanted to follow Him; I read His Word; I prayed. What was wrong? What was missing?? Dependence. Leaning on Him and talking to Him about it, acknowledging it throughout the day. I was still trusting in me to do things for God. WHOA. Bad idea. That's not what He wants at all! That's been the greatest thing for me to learn. It's not about me and what I do for God, it's about HIM and how He works, whether He chooses to use me or not. It's one thing to say that, but a completely other story to live that out. But I'm learning.

I'm learning, and I'll never be done. Praise God!

Home

I'm home. It's really an odd feeling to be back. I went to the library yesterday to try to pick up some Greek books, but apparently we don't have any. I'm going to have to hunt some down. I also wanted to pick up some good books...anyone know of any?

Before I even pulled into my driveway, God had provided a part-time summer job. :) God is good. Now I just need one more!!

I haven't finished unpacking yet. I keep reminding myself of the lazy sluggard in proverbs and how I don't want to be him. So then I just busy myself with other useful tasks and put off unpacking even more. I'm pretty ridiculous. Oh, but I did break my dresser while I was unpacking. I think that ended up being the final straw.

I wonder what challenges God has in store for me this summer. And I wonder if I'll see them as such when they appear, knowing that every situation is an opportunity to trust Him. I pray that I will.

Packing

It hit me yesterday in chapel that these seniors will not be coming back. And I almost cried. Almost. I didn't actually do it, which I was proud of myself for. I've been working on controlling my emotions and not letting them affect my decisions or my thinking. I am a lot more swayed by emotions than I really like to admit...except that I am admitting it right now to you all. All that to say I am going to miss those seniors.

I started packing today. My room feels so empty. So does my desk and my drawers. It just makes me feel sad. But I'll be back in a few short months!

Can I just say one thing? The thing I am going to miss most when I'm overseas (and while I'm at school) and am probably MOST excited about for when I go home (as silly as this sounds) is "nice" toilet paper. I realize it's ridiculous but it doesn't change that fact. :)

I'm leaving half my possessions here. That feels really odd to me...

Looking Back

It's the end of the year sprint to get everything done before graduation. I'm going to miss this place, but the journey is the destination and I'm excited for what this summer will bring. It's an interesting thing to look back over the past 5 months and see how relationships have changed and how people have changed. It's crazy to see how I have changed!! God is really at work here and I honeslty couldn't be more grateful to all the staff that have made my time meaningful, people who have taken the time to invest in friendships with me and to correct me when I'm wrong. Praise be to God!

On a different note...
I have been memorizing verses all day long. I already completed all of my Proverbs verses and am now working on my OTH (Old Testament History) verse. In the spirit of practice, let me type it for you here. :)

2 Samuel 7:18, 20-24, 28
Then David the king went in and sat before the LORD, and he said, "Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that You have brought me this far? Again what more can David say to You? For You know Your servant, O Lord GOD! For the sake of Your word, and according to Your own heart, You have done all this greatness to let Your servant know. For this reason You are great, O Lord GOD; for there is none like You, and there is no God besides You, according to all that we have heard with our ears. And what one nation on the earth is like Your people Israel, whom God went to redeem for Himself as a people and to make a name for Himself, and to do a great thing for You and awesome things for Your land, before Your people whom You have redeemed for Yourself from Egypt, from nations and their gods? For You have established for Yourself Your people Israel as Your own people forever, and You, O LORD, have become their God...Now, O Lord God, You are God, and Your words are truth, and You have promised this good thing to Your servant."

I'm no good at verse memorization...

My heart

This is going to be a really long post. Sorry. If you are on my email list of people who pray for me and receive my updates, you have already gotten this. But I just wanted to share my heart with the rest of you.

While Jesus was on earth, he taught many things. Then He died on a cross and rose. He came back and appeared to many people, but the disciples only included certain stories as they were led by the Spirit to write. In Matthew 28, Jesus tells the women to go tell His disciples to meet Him in Galilee (where many of them got their first call to follow Jesus). Then He meets them on a mountain in Galilee and gives them the Great Commission to go and make disciples of all nations. Mark 16 holds our next account of Jesus’ appearance after the resurrection. We see Mark briefly tell us about his appearance to the women and then to the two men on the Road to Emmaus, and then once again give the Great Commission, this time at a table with the disciples. In Luke 24, Jesus actually explains the Scriptures from Genesis till the resurrection to two men who are walking on the road to Emmaus. This account also records his appearance to His eleven disciples and the two men where He verified Himself to them as truly the Risen Christ and once again He clearly explains the Scriptures concerning Himself and gives the Great Commission. In John 20, we see Christ’s appearance to Mary and His two appearances to the disciples where He verified His identity as the Risen Christ. In John 21, Jesus sees them men fishing as they were when He first called them. He performs a miracle of filling their nets, eats with them, and then he has a conversation with Peter. Peter had previously denied Christ three times, so Jesus has Peter affirm his love three times and then tells him to care for his sheep. He reminds the disciples to follow Him. Lastly, in Acts we see one final account. This is where the disciples ask about restoring Israel and Jesus replies with the Great Commission.

I think the stories after the resurrection paint a picture for us. Jesus gave the Great Commission a few different times, not just one time recorded in four different places, it was actually on a few separate occasions. He also grounded the disciples and two other followers in correct teaching concerning the Scriptures, since they would be His mouthpieces to bring His truth to all people. Lastly, He encouraged the disciples the way that they needed in order to go and be faithful witnesses of the cross. He let Thomas touch His wounds, and He affirmed Peter and commanded Him to feed His sheep, showing His love for His people. This was all God felt was important to share with us about what went on after the resurrection. I think it is a beautiful picture of His heart for ALL to hear and His heart for us as believers. He wanted them to go to the Jews first and then the Gentiles until the Gospel had reached the ends of the earth. Well, it hasn’t. There are 2500 tribes (at least) with no access to the Gospel. And yes, there is a part of it that breaks my heart and makes me want to do something about it. But it’s not just an emotion I feel; it’s a command Christ gave us. His heart is for everyone to hear and believe. So it’s for people here to hear and people over there to hear as well. But not enough people are willing to go over there. People are willing to stay here, but not go over there. When Jesus preached about becoming a DISCIPLE, he didn’t say “find what you’re good at and do that for me.” He said “Lay down your life, take up your cross, and follow me.” One of the core things pounded into your head here is that God made us so He owns us. But then He died for us so that we could be with Him, so we are doubly owned. The Bible says He is our Master, but so many times I don’t live my life as if He is. If He is my Master, then HE gets to decide EVERYTHING that I do. But He’s my friend, too. While He doesn’t want to see my hurt, He often uses my failures and the situations He allows to bring me back to complete reliance on Him. If I think I can do something, then my human tendency is to not rely on Him. That’s not what He wants. Dependence means talking to Him through situations, coming up to things where I am consistently in prayer asking for His help, telling Him that I cannot do it on my own and letting Him take over. All the sudden that verse about we should ALWAYS be in prayer makes sense. (I just realized this a few months ago.) Jesus said over and over again that following Him would be hard. He never promised my happiness, but my peace and my growth. I will be happy when I’m in heaven, but on earth He promised that we will suffer for His name. Through that suffering, we will have peace. That doesn’t mean that we will want it to be happening, but we will be able to see that God is at work and praise Him for what He is doing through the situation. So how far am I willing to go to fulfill His command? Am I willing to give up my family and my friends and the comforts of this world? Are Christ’s words important enough to me that I would be willing to do so? Yes. They are. Do I have a desire for these tribal people to know Him so that His name could be glorified. I do. Did Christ command us to go? He did. All those things together propel me into missions. It’s not a feeling I have or a desire to live with nothing, it’s a command and a realization of submission. I do want to go, not because of a desire to teach or anything like that, but because going brings glory to Him. If I went based on an emotional pull; I would fail because that pull will fade or be overpowered by other emotions. If I went based on a desire to teach; I would fail because perhaps no one would listen or I would be too anxious to teach and not willing to let God take His time with the people. But I am going based on a command, based on obedience to His word, trusting in Him alone to sustain me with the only purpose of bringing glory to His name.

Now don’t get me wrong, some people are called to stay here and build up faithful servants of Christ in the states and that is equally wonderful. Some people are physically unable to go. Laying down your will and your life looks different for everyone. But we all are called to take part in what He is doing and ask Him what HE wants for us. For me, laying down my life and taking up the cross is tribal missions. He wants those people to hear. His heart is for people here and for people there, but no one seems to be going over there and NO ONE over there knows the truth. So I will go. I have a passion to go. There is need. There is great need. Does all of that make sense? I hope so. I hope that you understand my heart a little bit better.

Sometimes I struggle with the thought of leaving everything I know behind and going overseas. It’s one of those really scary things to think about and sometimes it can be quite overwhelming. There is no way that I can do that. I can’t live overseas in a foreign culture away from my family and friends by myself. I just can’t do it. Of course I can’t. There’s no way that I would want to. And when I start to get overwhelmed with “Why do I think I can do this,” God always brings me back to Him. I can’t do it. It is only in His power that I will be sustained, no matter where I am. It is only by relying on Him that I will be able to live. There’s comfort in that.

Not much longer

I will be done with my freshman semester soon. I feel like I've learned so much. Right now we're in Proverbs and I can't tell you how good it is in a convicting kind of way. I'm definitely ready for a summer break where I will be able to be tested and grow in these areas. I can't say I'm looking forward to the testing, but the growing which comes from it. I only have two more weeks left. Crazy.

Dance

Check out the dance that a few friends and I are doing for the talent show here at school...minus some of the hip shaking!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7AuQKFlhXI

Encouragement

Last night I had the privilege of hearing some missionaries from PNG speak. Sometimes I feel like God knows exactly what I need to hear...duh, He's God. But sometimes it's so recognizable as a gift, you know? This missionary was encouraging us not to give up. He wanted us to commit to the task at hand and go wherever we were sent. He kept saying how much potential we had and that God was going to do great things through us. He also told us that some of us would probably die on the field. I know this probably doesn't sound encouraging, but when you hear someone being completely upfront, honest, and real about what lies before you; I don't know, but it gives me a sort of peace. I sat in a room with about 20 other students committed to overseas missions. That's just awesome. We're going. The missionary kept saying that it was now up to our generation and I kept thinking, "I can't believe God wants to use me. Isn't that just amazing? Isn't God just so great. Thank You God, for working in and through me." My generation is the "driving force." And of course by that I mean that God is the driving force but He is using my generation as His empty vessels. How will I be a part of that? How will we all partner with God in what He is doing overseas? How will you? Will it be through prayer, earnestly lifting up your brothers and sisters to Him? Will it be through giving, being the vessel God uses to bring finances to the field in order to spread the Gospel? Will it be by going? All parts are needed. Where does HE want me? Where does HE want you? Whatever it is, we need to commit faithfully to whatever part God has given us in completing His task of every tongue and every nation praising His name. And isn't it so awesome that He wants to use us?? Our God is so good.

Quote

"Norman Bouty writes, 'If I am to be like Him, then God in His grace must do it, and the sooner I come to recognize it the sooner I will be delivered from another form of bondage. Throw down every endeavor and say, I cannot do it, the more I try the farther I get from His likeness. What shall I do? Ah, the Holy Spirit says, You cannot do it; just withdraw; come out of it. You have been in the arena, you have been endeavoring, you are a failure, come out and sit down, and as you sit there behold Him, look at Him. Don't try to be like Him, just look at Him. Just be occupied with Him. Forget about trying to be like Him. Instead of letting that fill your mind and heart, let Him fill it. Just behold Him, look upon Him through the Word. Come to the Word for one purpose and that is to meet the Lord. Not to get your mind crammed full of things about the sacred Word, but come to it to meet the Lord. Make it to be a medium, not of Biblical scholarship, but of fellowship with Christ. Behold the Lord.'"

The Complete Green Letters by Miles J. Stanford

I've been tagged by Stephanie in a little game called "Eights".

8 things I am looking forward to:

1. Seeing my family again. While I love school, it's always nice to see them.
2. Green Letters next week. It's one of my favorite days.
3. Next semester! I'm going to miss being here!
4. MTC. I can't wait for the next stage of training.
5. Getting a tan. I am incredibly white at the moment...
6. Our talent night on Saturday. I'm doing a dance with some friends and it's going to be AWESOME!
7. All of the weddings I get to go to this summer. I'm so excited for everyone!!
8. Being done with homework. I want to really get down and teach myself greek this summer...as well as so many other things. I REALLY want to make a comprehensive outline of the Bible...a very detailed one...

8 things I did yesterday:

1. Went to class
2. Had turkey meatloaf that was more like a baked salad
3. Ate hummus and liked it!
4. Went to youth group
5. Did an awful job speaking in youth group
6. Bought icing and angel food cake (to be eaten separately) to be my comfort foods
7. Practiced our dance for the talent show
8. Cried to my momma and daddy

8 things I wish:

I find that this is not a good thing for me to do. I try not to wish or dream in these ways so that I don't get myself disappointed or unhappy with where I am today.

8 shows I watch:
Man, I'm at Bible School! So...let me try to come up with some.

Fringe
House
American Idol
Lie to Me
Psych

Yeah, that's all I got.

I'm supposed to tag people, but I don't even know of 8 people who read this, so I'll just leave it at that. :) Love you all who do read!

Lessons

Within the past few days I have learned...

- Sunburns actually hurt. But mine turn into tan fairly quickly. :)

- I do not like sushi. The smell alone makes my stomach turn.

- I do not like caviar. They get stuck in your teeth and taste like fish water. Gross.

- Things get spread like wildfire at this school! And it's no fun for people to be talking about you, even if it's over something as small as the length of your paper.

- People are not perfect, but I'm learning so much to love them anyways! I'm not perfect either!!

- High school Musical Dances are not good for only three people to perform with no set. However, the dance from Slumdog Millionaire is fantastic, especially at a school focused on tribal missions. :)

- In the midst of trouble, my attitude is not perfect. I need to depend on Him for guidance and adopt His attitude and His way of looking at things.

Grace

When I was little, I thought that my father was the most amazing man in the world. I think most girls go through that phase. As I got older, I soon began to realize that he is not perfect. This was a big shock to me. My dad is supposed to be perfect!

Sometimes I think we have that attitude when we recall stories in the Bible. These great Bible characters: Moses, Jacob, Joshua, they were all such Godly men. We idealize them in our minds. Going through the Old Testament it is so nice to continue to realize that these men made mistakes. Mistakes they shouldn't have made. They would live lives full of faith until perhaps the end or maybe they would just have sporadic sin, but they were not perfect. Yet God is a God of grace. He doesn't expect perfection, but dependence and obedience.

There are times when I feel like I need to get something completely right, learn this lesson and never fail again. This is about me, not God. God will continue to teach me in His timing. The only thing that I need to concern myself with is my dependence on Him.

Meditation

I'm learning more and more. I'm watching God and His patience with me. I'm learning patience...no really, I am. I'm learning contentment with where I am. Key word here is LEARNING. I'm learning that I will not be perfect every timel I will walk in the flesh. But I'm recognizing more and more when I do and able to reconcile with God. God has truly blessed me to be here and I could't think of anywhere else I'd rather be than right where He wants me. I think I'm learning just as much outside of the classroom (if not more) than inside.

Today was the Day of Prayer. I love Day of Prayer...mainly because I have so far to go in that area of my life...just like every other area of my life. We got to go into the staff houses and pray for missionaries in specific countries. I went to the Keen's and prayed for PNG. There is something so encouraging about praying for missionaries...intentionally lifting them up in prayer and thinking about them and what they're going through. It's an awesome way to encourage our brothers and sisters in Him.

Speaking of prayer, my cousin just had a baby, Sophie Elizabeth (how cute!) and she was 5 week premature. Pray that she would continue to develop and be strong and ready to come home soon!

Thanks

Thank You for good friends that You have placed in my life, friends who are learning to love me and care about me no matter what, friends who are here with me experiencing the same things that I am.

Thank You for the adults that you surround me with, men and women who have a passion for YOU and for helping me as I grow in my understanding of You.

Thank You for the little things; phone calls home, emails of encouragement, being able to eat chocolate, etc. I could go on forever.

Thank You for my family. I'm learning to cherish them and see them through Your eyes. I'm learning how to really truly love them. And I do.

Thank You for Your patience. I don't always get it right. In fact, I fall flat on my face time and time again. I struggle with so many things, Father, but You are always there to love me and that love never changes. Thank You for that.

Thank You for Your grace. I know that I am accepted in You not on the basis of anything that I have done, but because of Your love and grace and what You did on the cross for me. That means that no matter what I do, Your grace was enough.

Thank You for the cross and loving me that much. I love You.

Relationship

Growing up in church, sometimes I think it's easy to get confused. What does that mean? Well, I've been in church my whole life. I've known the Bible stories, memorized verses (although not too successfully), gone on mission trips, and all of that. I've learned what true faith looks like and what attributes a Christian should be producing. These are all good things to learn, but I think they can also be dangerous. I know I'm being confusing, so let me try to explain. I knew what a Christian should look like; it's clearly shown in the Bible time and time again. I knew that I needed to have a relationship with God, but I don't think I ever fully understood what all that entailed. I know that's a shocking thing to say, but it's true. A relationship with God is often defined as knowing God and how do you get to know Him? Through the Word. So you read your Bible and that's how you have a relationship with God? Nope. It's not. But for a long time, that's really what I thought a relationship with God was...and to be honest, I was disappointed. I was left unfulfilled. I was trying to produce Godly qualities in myself because I didn't know any better. It was like no one ever fully explained to me that I really don't have to do anything, that I just (like it's so easy) need to be in constant communication with God and He will take care of it all. I need to be fully dependent on Him. I never quite fully understood that. And I know that I don't know either, but I'm learning to get it more and more. God is good. He is so good and He really wants this deep relationship with us. He doesn't just want us to know Him and try to produce good works on our own, because that is through our strength and we get the glory...and eventually, we will fail. He wants us to rely on Him, trust in Him, pray to Him with decisions, ask Him for help, depend on Him. He wants us to DEPEND on Him in ALL things. These are so many things that I think I've heard before, but never been practically shown or told how to do them. And honestly, I don't think I have a good enough grasp on them to explain it to someone...the step that goes beyond knowing about God and reading your Bible and praying to INTIMATELY knowing your Savior. It seems like such a subtle difference, but such a HUGE change occurs. I really can't explain it, as I'm sure you can see by this confusing post. I guess I just mean to say that it's not enough to read your Bible and to pray. There's more to life than that. There's more to a relationship with God than that. And nothing can compare to it. There have been times in my life when I've been in that close communion with God and they have been amazing. And then there are times when I haven't and I never really could figure out why I wasn't and what had changed. Now I know. It's amazing that it's all about Him. It's not about what characteristics I want to build into my life, good characteristics that are godly and glorify Him. It's about what HE wants to teach me and how HE wants to grow me and my dependence on Him through that. I'm falling more and more in love with Him every day.

Vision

Who am I? What is my heart? What are my goals, my passions, my vision?

These are all very good questions, somewhat introductory, sure, but they shape your entire life. So here goes. :)

My name is Elizabeth Eckard. I became a Christian when I was four and felt called to missions when I was eleven. I struggled with this at first, not wanting to give up my hopes and dreams for my life (I'm sure you can remember your aspirations when you were 11...I had lots), but God has slowly built a growing passion in my heart to reach the unreached. I had the opportunity to go overseas three times, each time to a different country in South America. Two of those trips were with an organization called New Tribes Mission. During these trips, I got to experience not only life in a different country, but I got to see the heart of New Tribes Mission. They exist solely to fulfill the Great Commission, specifically in the capacity of "to the ends of the earth." Their heart is reaching those who have never had the opportunity to hear, those tribal people who may have never seen a white person and who do not have a written language. This organization is committed to raising up and equipping men and women of God to bring the Gospel places it has never been and giving the church opportunities to join them in that. What an awesome thing.

What is my specific vision? God has placed on my heart a desire to go. Sometimes that's hard. It would be nice to live close to my family, or at least in the same country. It would be nice to have a financially stable job. But God calls us to lay down our lives. He is our owner and He gets to decide what we do with our lives and our time. That looks different for many different people; some people are called to live here and have a financially stable job and they have other sacrifices, equally hard, that they have to deal with. But God has called me overseas. There is a need and I am going. My vision is completely dependent on God and will change as He instructs. However, the vision God has given me now is to be a tribal church planter.
Where would that be? Right now I am looking at Indonesia or Papua New Guinea.
With what organization am I going to go with? New Tribes Mission. (To learn more about this organization, check out www.ntm.org)
What are the steps that lead to tribal church planting? First, I need a good solid Biblical foundation. New Tribes has a Bible Institute that incorporates missions into their Bible teaching and teaches students in the same process that missionaries will eventually teach tribal people. It does not just teach the Bible, it teaches life application as well as giving students the tools they will need to effectively teach the Bible overseas. Second, I will go to the next stage of training, called the MTC (Missionary Training Center). This is more practical application. There are classes that teach practical survival tips, some brief nursing/health care, linguistics (how to break down a language), and so many other practical things. It is a stage where you learn how to survive overseas in different conditions while being effective at what God has called you to do. Third, I will be sent to a country (the country where the tribe I will be ministering to is in) where I will learn the country's main language and culture and get involved in a city overseas. Lastly, after mastering the country's language, I will move into a tribe and spend time learning and mastering their language. After that is done, the Word of God can begin to be taught and hopefully, believers will follow which will lead to discipleship and eventually, a church will be established with tribal leaders. Those last stages vary in time and are much more in depth than I portray them to be. :)

Where am I now? Right now I am training at the Bible Institute, studying the Word of God for two intense years and learning so much!! Stay tuned to see what I'm learning!

New Song

It's a website full of new things! Here is the latest song I'm working on:

My Place
By: Elizabeth Eckard

Someday I will die. Take my place.
Someday I’ll no longer teach. Take my place.
Someday I won’t walk on earth. Take my place.
If you love me, take my place.

For my heart is for every tongue to praise my name
My heart is for everyone to hear my fame.

Someday you will die. I took your place.
Someday you will pound my nails. I took your place.
Someday you will stand before God. I took your place.
I love you; I took your place.

For my heart is for every tongue to praise my name.
My heart is for everyone to hear my fame.

Jesus has died. I’ll take His place. I’ll take His place.
For my heart is for every tongue to praise His name.
And my heart is for everyone to hear His fame.

And I will go tell of Him
And I will lay my life at His feet.
For He is my master; He took my place.
And His heart is for every tongue to praise His name.
And His heart is for everyone to hear His fame.
I’ll take His place.
I’ll take His place.

New Website!

Hello all! This is my new, updated website...apparently xanga is out and this is in! I'll be really writing shortly...stay tuned...