Break

So far I have been on break for a little over a week now. It's been kind of a crazy break already, but thankfully I have been able to do some relaxing. The first few mornings I made oreo truffles....14.5 dozen of them....for people that I was selling them to. If you've ever made oreo truffles then you know that it is a very labor intensive process full of frustration at times...at least for me. BUT, all the ones that I had to make to sell are done and now I am currently putting off all the ones I have to make to give as gifts. :) But I will hopefully be starting and finishing that tomorrow.

I have been doing some study of Romans since I've been home. I will jump right into that book when I go back to school, as it is one of my first classes, and I wanted to study it a bit on my own beforehand. It's been really cool to look at it more closely and to see things I've never seen before. I'm excited as I learn on my own to look forward to what all I will be learning in class. :)

It's also been great to have time to spend with my family. I love them so much and it's funny how much more I enjoy their company the older that I get. There's a part of me that sometimes feels a bit confused being at home because the life I live here is so different than the life that I live at school; one is the one I've grown up with and know and the other is the path that I am pursuing for life. It's been an interesting process to work through...and I still am...but it's been good too. :) It's neat to see God working no matter what situation He has me in. And it's been so good to be able to have good conversations with my family where we share what we have all been learning. I can't tell you how much I appreciate them and their hearts to share with me.

I'm looking forward to the next few weeks and being able to see more of my family and celebrate Christmas. I'm also looking forward to seeing Andrew again...being 2,000 miles apart isn't exactly my favorite thing, even though I know that time apart is beneficial as well as time together....I'm looking forward to the time together part. :) I hope that you and your family have a wonderful time celebrating Christ's birth and remembering why we celebrate Christmas. :)

More on 1 Corinthians

So pretty much I sat in class today and felt like I had been kicked in the face. I know that may sound dramatic...but it's honestly how I felt. I have never been so consistently convicted in my life in so many BIG ways. And it's one of those mixed emotions....it's great to see the Spirit working....and it's like, "Wow, I REALLY REALLY suck. Guess the only thing to do is depend on God cuz I got nothing good in me." (For lack of emphasis, I used poor grammar.) And that has just pretty much been my life lately. It's the end of the semester and life is full of tests and projects and 20 hour papers along with cleaning up the dorm and the regular school cleaning job and saying goodbye to my church family here and friends. It's such a busy time of the year and honestly, I will be completely grateful for the "break" that I hope to get at home. Yes, it will be busy, but it will be nice to have time to process what I've been learning more.

We've been talking about liberties and freedoms in Christ for the past few days and it's pretty much been a wake-up call....especially mixed with the talk about living in light of eternity. How many of my day to day decisions are lived that way? It's scary to think about all the rewards I've lost. But Christ set us FREE...we are FREE in Him. Many people see the freedom as it is...as a freedom. We are no longer under condemnation and are free to make choices as we please; they have no standing on our position before Christ. BUT, why did Christ set us free? Ah, and this is the question no one asks...the question I'm not sure I asked before a few days ago. Christ set us free so that we would be free to serve others. Think about Israel. They weren't free to serve others however they pleased. They were under the Law. But we are not! We are free from the Law and free from condemnation. FREE! How awesome is God's grace? So incredible. :) SOOOO, if we are free from the law and we have the freedom to serve others, we must be careful to not become a SLAVE to our freedoms. Here's the thing about the flesh: a) it never goes away or diminishes in the least AND B) it has the power to pervert things God intended for good. That means that my flesh and living with a carnal attitude can pervert the fact that I am free. WHOA! What a crazy thought. It's only by walking in the Spirit (and what does that mean? well...I'm learning...and I'll share it with you either as you ask or as I have more time to write later) that we can not fulfill the desires of the flesh. And that, my friends, has been a revolutionary thought to me. I have the freedom to LAY DOWN my freedoms for the sake of others. I count the cost of my decisions (or I'm supposed to) in order to evaluate which choice would save more souls, would give me an inroad in someone's life, would further the gospel in some ways. Paul laid down some of his BASIC rights...rights that here in America we FIGHT for people to have, we hold so strongly to our rights, we are so proud of them....yet Paul laid them aside. He laid aside the right to food...not just fancy food...but FOOD...WOW. This stuff just blows my mind and challenges my heart. God is good.

1 Corinthians

So far my favorite class of the semester has to be 1 Corinthians. Every day I sit and am amazed at the power of God's Word. Every day I sit and am challenged that my beliefs and my thoughts and my attitudes do not all line up with the Bible. It's encouraging to see the Spirit working through the Word of God. I thought that I would share some of it with you all.

First off, just some background on Corinth. Corinth was a town kind of like our Las Vegas. It was the center of blowing money for the people at the time...mostly on prostitutes. It was a town of much importance; it is surrounded by seas and on the Isthmus that connects Greece to the Peloponnesian Peninsula. The Isthmus is so small that it was actually cheaper for ships to drag their boats across Corinth on a roadway called the Diolkos or for them to unload their cargo and transport it by wagon over to boats waiting on the other side. It was a major center of commerce! A nickname for prostitutes worldwide at the time was "corinthian women." You often hear people say that the Bible was written in a different time where the men didn't have to deal with all of the sexual temptation like the world we live in, but if you look at Corinth, you would have to think otherwise. Prostitution was on almost every corner and readily available, a huge part of the culture. And this is the world to which Paul wrote 1 Corinthians.

Now that we know a bit about the culture, I want to share with you some things that have been impacting me lately. First of all, the letter to the Corinthian church was necessary because a) Paul was informed of immorality and division within the church and b) the church had written to Paul asking him for advice and instruction in the Lord. The Corinthian church was a MESS! And yet Paul begins his letter to them by stating who they are in Christ and telling them that he is THANKFUL for them always. I don't know about you, but this is one of those worldview smackdowns. Oftentimes I see believers who are carnal and then (enter pride) think of them in my head as almost second-rate. They aren't living the way that they should be and that causes me to think less of them. But God doesn't see things that way. There is nothing that they can do or that I can do to make my standing with God any better. I truly believe that, yet sometimes my thoughts do not show this. Sometimes I am just thinking "This is the reason that the world thinks Christianity is full of a bunch of hypocrites." Yet instead of addressing believers in love and then addressing the hard subjects, I am content to judge them in my heart, look down upon them, and let it go. That is not the heart of Christ. That is not the example that we have in Paul. Paul constantly brings them back to their position being found in Christ, which is the reason they are erring in the first place. Paul first gave them an understanding of what things are true of them and then told them how to respond and what actions flow out of what is true of them. What a different way to think of things. It is very contrary to the way that I have seen things handled and the way I think to handle things myself, but then again, human wisdom often is contrary to God's way. It was really neat being able to see this though. God continues to show me examples of truth and love combined. :)

Well I have already written so much and I'm not even past the first 9 verses! So I'm going to take a break for now and go eat some dinner. Check back soon for some more of what I'm learning as I continue to update you!

Encouragement

I am currently taking Bible Basis of Missions and 1 Corinthians. I cannot tell you how awesome these classes have been! I feel like I say that about all of my classes, and honestly, I really think it has been true. I have learned so much and my outlook on the Word and how I read it has changed so drastically since I arrived here. It has been so good. :) God has been breaking down wrong thinking in my life and continues to do so. These classes have definitely helped. They have got my mind thinking about things and how God views the things that I do. We have been challenged in 1 Corinthians over and over again to live in view of the Kingdom. This isn't something I really feel that I do. I know that it's coming. I know that I will have a place in it. I know that God gave me freedom so that He could reign in my life and so that I would be free to serve others and show His life in my own. Yet my own life has not reflected this very often. My own life has been centered on the here and now. God is revealing truth to me. I am seeing my need and realizing more and more how much I need Him. The more I learn, the more I realize my need for Him and for His indwelling. How wonderful that He DOES indwell me!

On another note, my mom is on her first overseas mission trip right now. She is such an encouragement to me. If you know my mom, then you would understand why. It's so neat to see how she is trusting God, how she is stepping out to be involved in God's Work around the world and knowing by faith that He is going to show up. All of this is just so encouraging. A lot of people take on the attitude of "well, you have to be in your twenties to do overseas mission work. Anything older than that is pointless." Mom doesn't have that attitude. She is taking the moments as they come and giving God what time she does have. Thank you Momma for your desire to follow God even when it scares you, even when it's unlike anything you've ever done before. He is a great and mighty God!

I have been so blessed here at school with so many encouraging friendships. I have been able to have several people speak truth into my life, encourage me to walk in the truth that I know, pray for me, and so many other things. I have watched people back home praying for me, encouraging me, giving to me, and so many more things. A few weeks ago I was feeling very discouraged, very disconnected from the church body. God has answered my prayer and encouraged my heart. Thank you for those of you that He used to do so, for letting Him encourage me through you. Thank you so much.

Sacrifice and Preparation

We've been talking a lot about the whole purpose of our training here at Bible school and what the future will look like, and it seems to me that it all boils down to this: sacrifice. I know that's weird since it's so counter-cultural, but the Christian life normally is. It's cool that we are all in the same boat...we are ALL called to live lives of sacrifice and it looks different for every individual in the Body of Christ.

In reference to the training at the Bible School, they made some statements that made a lot of sense regarding our homework load. I went to a university and attended community college, so this is not my first experience in "higher education." I think I thought this would be easier than my university experience since it's not an "accredited" institution, but I had a rude wake-up call when I arrived. Not only was the class schedule more intense than what I had at the university, but the homework load a LOT more and the time I spent was significantly more as well. Here at the Bible Institute, I am in classes from 8-12 every day with electives in the afternoon. But I tend to spend the majority of my day doing homework and studying the Word. It's an awesome privilege that I have to be able to be in such an intense environment focused on studying God's Word, but sometimes it's easy to feel burnt out from all the work. I have decided its because I am used to a lot more free time than what I have here. But the leadership here addressed this and told us that the reason that the work load is so heavy here isn't just so that we will be studying the Word, but because when we are on the mission field, it takes many many hours of intense study at EVERY level. At first, you have to master the trade language of the country, and then you have to master the tribal language, which is often much harder than the first language you learn. After that, you have to study how to teach and translate the Bible into their language, how to answer their questions that will come from their worldview being confronted. It's a process to get God's Word into languages who have no written word, and it takes dedication and sacrifice, so these are things that the leadership is trying to instill in us here. It makes doing homework much "easier" in the sense that I understand there's a higher purpose and there's a reason for all of this.

We were also looking at the Proverbs 31 woman in chapel the other day. That woman was so busy and never seemed to rest! It's actually a real challenge to my heart. It seems like an "American" excuse to say "Well, I just need some time for myself," and while I do think that there are valid times when this is true, I have found myself abusing this statement and taking many breaks that are unnecessary, just because I don't feel like working any more. But this wasn't the Proverbs 31 woman's attitude. She was diligent and worked for God, not resting until the job was done. What an encouragement to me when I am feeling lazy, to remember the capacity that God has given me to work and to continue on! :)

Sacrifice is another thing that has been stressed to us lately. The principles behind the thoughts are all universal principles, such as the fact that we are all called to "take up our crosses" and Jesus tells us of the persecution we will face as believers. We aren't called to live of this world, but to see the greater purpose of life as the Glory of God. Sacrifices are inevitable in giving God greater glory, because life isn't about us, it's about Him. But I've been thinking a lot about that practically and what all I am willing to give up for Him and His glory and what all that will practically look like. I made a list of my needs and then defined them. Silly as it may be, this is what it looks like:
-Food and water (Bugs and plants...they qualify!)
-Shelter (Lean-to in the jungle...or just shelter in trees and leaves)
-Clothing (One pair...onen is enough)
While this list is not necessarily ideal, it is something I can look back upon and give thanks, even if my possessions and needs are met only by the things in this list (and this list could change as I realize God's provision in simpler means...but this was the simplest that I could come up with).

Today was the last day of the fourth block of classes. That means I only have three weeks left of classes and only two classes left to take; Bible Basis of Missions and 1 Corinthians. I am very excited to start them and to see what else God wants to teach me, and I'm glad to be done with all of the projects that were due at the end of this block; I counted more than 22 hours of homework I have done in the past three days! But then again...that's simply God preparing me. :)

I had previously been feeling a little discouraged and disconnected and had sent out a request to some supporters just that God would encourage my heart. It has been so neat to see the different ways that He has! Thank you all for your prayers; we serve such an amazing God who encourages our hearts as we find our rest and our strength in Him...and oh the grace he gives when He encourages our hearts when we are not finding our rest and strength in Him!

Musings

This semester has been a struggle for me. Unfortunately, I have been sick for the majority of it either with kidney stone pain or a sinus cold or something. It's been a struggle to keep up with schoolwork and to focus in class when some of the time I'm on heavy painkillers and have a hard time thinking about ANYTHING, much less deep truths of the Word of God. BUT, I am blessed to have great teachers who have taken much time to prepare lessons and notes for us, and I am thankful that I have all the material to review and re-learn during Christmas break. :)

I've been learning a lot lately about how this whole relationship with God thing works. Unfortunately, I do not hold the keys to it or really truly understand everything about it, but God is faithful to reveal to me new things about who He is and His character and who I am in Him. One of the big things that I have been learning without even realizing it is contentment where He has me. I have a passion for missions, a passion that I truly believe God gave me, but yet I am not overseas. When I was younger, this was a HUGE struggle for me. I wanted to be overseas, I wanted to be with those people and I would CRY and be upset that I couldn't be. In my head the only reason that I had this passion was to use it overseas, since that was what the passion was. I didn't realize the broad range of God's abilities to use my passion in many different areas. I didn't know that I didn't have to be overseas for Him to use that passion and drive in me. This was a totally new concept to me! But lately it has been neat to see God broadening my views on how He works and how I am to respond to the situations that I am put in. I am learning how to be less abrasive with my passion (my apologies if I have been abrasive to YOU in the past!) and how God wants to use it here and now. It's just been neat to have my eyes open to the truth in the statement : "No matter WHERE I am, my responsibility before the Lord is still the same; to know Him and make Him known." This is true of all believers, though we all play a somewhat different facet of this, and I've really been learning this lately. I can fulfill my purpose and my passion no matter where I am or what circumstances may surround me.

Another thing I have been learning is that while I am learning a lot ABOUT God, it has to be my decision to take that a step further and KNOW Him, walk and talk with Him. I can read the Bible and learn as much about Him as I want, but if I do not KNOW Him, if I do not depend on Him, this is a mute point. God wants me to KNOW Him, not just about who He is. I've heard this all my life and never really understood the difference between the two. Isn't reading my Bible getting to KNOW Him? And while it can be, it all depends on me and the attitude of my heart. If I am going to the Bible to read it and to study it, but not talk to God and rely on Him, I am just learning ABOUT Him. I'm not sure if all of this makes complete sense, because right now I feel like I am just clipping the tip of the iceberg, but I know that He is faithful to reveal to me more wrongs in my life and my thinking and to conform me into the image of His son. Thank the LORD!! :)

I am currently only on the FIRST square!!! And only in the first year! I've got a long way to go, but I'm excited for the journey!