There once was a spunky little girl who grew up without a care in the world. And then one day, she learned of God's call to take the Gospel to those who had never heard. At first, she rejected that thought. Why would she want to sacrifice all of that to live in a place of no glory and serve amongst smelly people who probably wouldn't listen anyways? What would ever possess her to do such a thing? You see...at the time, she cared much more about herself then listening to God. And He allowed that for a time. He didn't force her, but continued to show her through His word the importance of ALL people knowing His glory, His salvation, His story. And so, at the age of 13, she began to look for a mission trip to go on. And she went.....to Quito, Ecuador with a group of about 200 other students. She saw sights she never thought she would see, such poverty, such need. She smelled things she never wished to smell again...but smells that were all too common in this world. Her world was rocked. The name of the trip was "Never the Same" and it held true; she came back different. She came back passionate. At this time, her passion was for the people and their physical needs. Oh how blessed she was. Oh how unfortunate the people she saw were. She wanted to help. She wanted to be His hands and feet. But alas, she was 13 and had to return home to her nice suburban house and go to high school. But there was always next year.
That little girl lived for the summers. It was then that she truly felt alive. Ecuador. Bolivia. Brasil. She waited to be overseas, to get to see and experience different cultures and helping those less fortunate. She was almost blinded to those around her when she was at home and at school; her focus was completely on those overseas. She couldn't wait to leave everyone behind and move over there. She was going to change the world. Graduation was so close she could feel it. But her plans changed. She ended up going to a four-year college, not jumping into a Bible program to get trained to go overseas. After a year of college, she quit, knowing that she needed to pay off her debt so she could go into training. And then she got sidetracked. She became caught up in romance and things of this world. She was scared to go overseas, even more scared to go alone. Part of her just wanted to run away and forget people overseas. She just wanted to live her life with her family and her friends and get married and stay here. But then her romance ended. Tragically, in fact, and she hit rock bottom. She struggled for a long time trying to find out who she was and where her worth was found. She realized she had been focused on the wrong things for a long time and had lost her identity. Basing her worth on other's opinions and the way others treated her had landed her distraught. You see, this girl didn't understand what it meant to be a Christian. She didn't understand all that Christ had done for her. And I don't mean she didn't fully grasp it; she didn't grasp it at all! She didn't get her new identity in Christ and what that meant. She didn't understand the truths of Ephesians 1-3 and all the things that God had blessed her with simply because HE chose to do so. But she did understand that her walk with God was missing something. So she signed up to start the first part of training with New Tribes Mission; their Bible Institute in Jackson, MI. She figured she wasn't giving up enough for God and she knew that God wanted all to be saved and was running from it, so maybe she'd make God happy by actually becoming a missionary. That and she really did want to help people. But mostly this was a desperate attempt to find some sort of meaning in the Christian life. She was at rock bottom.
Arriving at Bible school in January of 2009 and beginning classes that started in Genesis, she felt a bit elementary. Why were these teachers trying to talk down to her? She didn't need help learning Old Testament Bible stories! She knew them! She just wanted to learn the answers to all the big questions, all the hot topics. She wanted to have an answer. She wanted to learn what she was missing...because she knew she was missing something. Over the past year, she has been learning the Bible. She has been learning God's story in a way she never knew before. She has seen the importance of understanding the Bible from the beginning to end, as a unit, as all part of God's progressive revelation. She has been learning about the Spirit and how to walk in the Spirit. She has been learning about who Christ made her once she first believed. She has been learning she will never quit learning. There are so many things, so many truths that have been brought to life for her. God has changed her mind on so many issues...even missions. She is passionate about missions, not because she wants to help people, not because it will make her more acceptable to God (she is already as accepted as she can get because she is in CHRIST!), but because God wants that none should perish. Because God commanded us to GO. Because they cannot truly live without the truth of His Word. Because they NEED to hear His truth. Because they cannot believe if they do not hear. Because the Christian life isn't about what's easiest, but about HIM.
Looking back, she is grateful for the hard times that have brought her closer to Him. She is grateful for the pit of despair, because it was only when she was at the end of herself, when she had tried everything she possibly knew how to do and seen it fail, that she could try rest in His finished work on the cross....or begin to learn how to. Life is not perfect. Her walk with God is not perfect. But she has a faith unlike one she has had before because it is built upon a foundation of TRUTH found ONLY in HIS word. She is learning that a life of sacrifice isn't to be feared because as she learns to allow the Word to renew her mind (through studying it) and to set her mind on things eternal, on things above, the circumstances and things on the earth are only opportunities to allow Christ's life to live through her and glory to be brought to HIS name. She is learning....
Monday, March 29, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Identity
When I was little, I lived in the beautiful state of North Carolina. We lived on an enormous plot of land that was covered in trees and wildlife and anything green. I grew up away from the hustle and bustle of the city or the suburbs. I didn't have friends around the corner to play with, just me and my brother. And it was fun. Most days I spent an adequate amount of time playing by myself...no one wants to play basketball for 12 hours a day unless your name is Chad. (Possibly an overstatement, but still.) I read books, collected rocks, played with my kitchen, and just walked around the outdoors. It was a great childhood.
As I got older, I learned more about who I was and I changed. We moved to the suburbs of Columbus and the things I used to do weren't really done in the city so much. No more walks in the fields because they were non-existent. I had to adjust to having neighbor kids to play with all the time and not having all that much alone time. At first it was great. But I came to miss the times I had in North Carolina. Different experiences impacted me in different ways and I spent a lot of time figuring out who I was. I had been thrown into an unfamiliar environment and I had to find myself in it. I'm not sure I'll ever completely understand myself, to be honest, but it's interesting to see how I struggled with my identity growing up. Put in different circumstances, sometimes I would lose sight of myself because I just didn't fit there. Sometimes I would try to act a certain way because it was expected, but it wasn't true to me and I always knew that. You can try to change who you are all you want, but you always know when you aren't being true to yourself.
I've been thinking a lot about identity lately. In fact, I recently gave a speech on the topic in speech class. I used Miss Ohio as an example. You see, when you're crowned Miss Ohio, you begin to act like Miss Ohio. Miss Ohio says certain things, has certain opinions, wears certain types of clothes....and all this may be different from what you did before, but since you have become Miss Ohio, you must change to ACT like Miss Ohio. You take on the identity that you have been given. It's the same for Christians. As human beings I think we struggle with this issue a lot, and I think as believers in Christ, we may at times struggle more than most. We have a new identity in Christ. At first, it was a nice phrase and a nice thought, but I didn't get what that meant. And....I'm still learning what it means. But Christ is now my life. He is now who I am. He is my true identity. But my life doesn't line up with that. My thinking doesn't always show that to be true. My actions are often not HIS actions, but my own. I've been learning a lot lately about identity...what it means, what the implications from it are, how it should be changing my thinking and my actions. A true understanding of who I am in Him will cause change. The more that I focus on those truths, the more I see how far I fall short of truly seeing myself as God sees me. I don't live in those truths very often. I'm learning. I'm learning what it means and I'm learning who I am...but I'm still figuring it out. It's clearly defined in the Word of God....so I have the tools necessary to understand, but it's a process. Just as when I was younger I had to figure out who I was, I am having to do the same thing now....only with my TRUE identity in Him. Who am I? How should that impact the decisions that I make? The Lord is in the process of transforming me to His image. How cool is that. But right now, I have every heavenly blessing. Right now, I have the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. I am God's daughter! My goodness! The things that are true as a natural result of who I am are astounding. And to think that who I am in Him is all for HIS GLORY, not because of anything I have done...it's all so amazing. And elementary....yet I'm still grasping these things. And I will continue to grasp them. I want to grasp them. I want to understand who I am in Him.
The other cool thing about identity is that ALL believers have the same identity. We all have the same blessings in Him. We are all found IN HIM. All that we have been given is because we are IN HIM. How cool is that? Yet do I see other believers like this? Do I treat them like that? Am I unified with them or do I just sit here and judge them, condemn them when they fail? God doesn't. Why would I? So many thoughts. So many things to ponder. So many things to learn as I simply behold who He is, my Savior, my King, my eternal Father. He is my life.
As I got older, I learned more about who I was and I changed. We moved to the suburbs of Columbus and the things I used to do weren't really done in the city so much. No more walks in the fields because they were non-existent. I had to adjust to having neighbor kids to play with all the time and not having all that much alone time. At first it was great. But I came to miss the times I had in North Carolina. Different experiences impacted me in different ways and I spent a lot of time figuring out who I was. I had been thrown into an unfamiliar environment and I had to find myself in it. I'm not sure I'll ever completely understand myself, to be honest, but it's interesting to see how I struggled with my identity growing up. Put in different circumstances, sometimes I would lose sight of myself because I just didn't fit there. Sometimes I would try to act a certain way because it was expected, but it wasn't true to me and I always knew that. You can try to change who you are all you want, but you always know when you aren't being true to yourself.
I've been thinking a lot about identity lately. In fact, I recently gave a speech on the topic in speech class. I used Miss Ohio as an example. You see, when you're crowned Miss Ohio, you begin to act like Miss Ohio. Miss Ohio says certain things, has certain opinions, wears certain types of clothes....and all this may be different from what you did before, but since you have become Miss Ohio, you must change to ACT like Miss Ohio. You take on the identity that you have been given. It's the same for Christians. As human beings I think we struggle with this issue a lot, and I think as believers in Christ, we may at times struggle more than most. We have a new identity in Christ. At first, it was a nice phrase and a nice thought, but I didn't get what that meant. And....I'm still learning what it means. But Christ is now my life. He is now who I am. He is my true identity. But my life doesn't line up with that. My thinking doesn't always show that to be true. My actions are often not HIS actions, but my own. I've been learning a lot lately about identity...what it means, what the implications from it are, how it should be changing my thinking and my actions. A true understanding of who I am in Him will cause change. The more that I focus on those truths, the more I see how far I fall short of truly seeing myself as God sees me. I don't live in those truths very often. I'm learning. I'm learning what it means and I'm learning who I am...but I'm still figuring it out. It's clearly defined in the Word of God....so I have the tools necessary to understand, but it's a process. Just as when I was younger I had to figure out who I was, I am having to do the same thing now....only with my TRUE identity in Him. Who am I? How should that impact the decisions that I make? The Lord is in the process of transforming me to His image. How cool is that. But right now, I have every heavenly blessing. Right now, I have the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. I am God's daughter! My goodness! The things that are true as a natural result of who I am are astounding. And to think that who I am in Him is all for HIS GLORY, not because of anything I have done...it's all so amazing. And elementary....yet I'm still grasping these things. And I will continue to grasp them. I want to grasp them. I want to understand who I am in Him.
The other cool thing about identity is that ALL believers have the same identity. We all have the same blessings in Him. We are all found IN HIM. All that we have been given is because we are IN HIM. How cool is that? Yet do I see other believers like this? Do I treat them like that? Am I unified with them or do I just sit here and judge them, condemn them when they fail? God doesn't. Why would I? So many thoughts. So many things to ponder. So many things to learn as I simply behold who He is, my Savior, my King, my eternal Father. He is my life.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Update
It's been a CRAZY busy week and I thought it would be good for me to take some time to reflect on things. With the fast-pace here, it's easy to just get caught up in things and not take the time to sit down and really mull over things.
I have been talking to a lot of people lately about walking in the Spirit. Okay, and honestly, I feel kind of dumb. Here's the thing....I've been gaining understanding in this matter for....the past year really (before that, I had little understanding and my understanding wasn't growing) and was starting to think "Hey, I'm getting this!" Any red flags going up? Yeah, that can be a dangerous place to be sometimes. Especially if you're me. Anyways, so we actually were in Romans small group over chapter 8 and we were drawing diagrams up on the board and I sat there the entire time thinking "That's not right. That's not what I thought. That can't be right. NOOOOOO!" Seriously....I did. And so, I decided to take a look at what the Word of God had to say and then talk to older, wiser, more mature Christians about the matter. And that's what I did. Three days in a row I had an hour long conversation with three different people and it was really neat to just see how God was at work. I don't understand fully what walking in the Spirit is. But after my first conversation with one of the guys on staff, God had me at a point where I could pray "I don't fully understand, but I trust You to grow me in it and I will walk in the truth that I DO know." I went into the conversation thinking "This can't be what walking in the Spirit really is because I don't want this to be the answer" and came away thinking "I don't understand it, but I see it as truth in the Word of God." Well, actually, I was thinking a lot more than that. I was thinking "Well, how does walking in the Spirit connect with walking in the truth that you have?" and "Does that mean God always has one choice for you to make in moral issues?" and many other questions. But I have been able to discuss them with others and been challenged to take it back to the Word and it's just been really neat to see God growing me in His truth. And it's been neat because at times I almost feel like light bulbs really are coming on. I find myself realizing the lies I've been thinking or believing or the truths that I know in my head or true, but I don't actually think are true based on my actions. They aren't experiencially true for me. I'm so thankful for a God who is faithful to conform me to His image. :) And let me say this: After a week of mulling over what walking in the Spirit is, I feel like I DO have a better understanding. BUT I feel like I'm only scratching the surface....but at least I KNOW it's the surface of truth.
P.S. Evaluating your thoughts is hard work! And rather draining....but yet so rewarding!
We just started Ephesians class and our speech class, meaning we just FINISHED James/Jude and Dan/Rev. Which also means I just finished my Dan/Rev timeline.....let me tell you that was a stressful assignment. We had to take pretty much all the events of Daniel(the visions) and Revelation and put them all in a concise timeline of end times events. That's right, a complete description of the Church Age, Rapture, Tribulation (including all the judgments and information about the 7-headed beast....mine looked like a body with 7 balloon heads....i'm not an artist...), Armageddon, the Millennium, Gog and Magog, The Great White Throne, the Eternal State, and much much more. It was crazy....I learned a lot, but it took a while to compile a timeline on all of that. :)
But back to what I was saying....we just started Ephesians and speech class. So far I really like Ephesians. It's been neat to see how I've read Ephesians 1 before and how I thought it was all about us and now how I can see it's all about GOD! I apparently didn't read it too closely. I mean, it has us in it, don't get me wrong, but the main point of the passage is what GOD has done FOR US! Somehow I was too consumed with what I had that I completely missed what GOD had done before. Go figure. So that's been really neat. We are only on chapter one and its amazing, so I'm looking forward to more of it!
Speech class....well....if you know anything about me, then you know this isn't my favorite thing in the world. I mean, I will do it, but I get really nervous, as I'm sure is normal. Anyways, my first speech is on Friday. And I'm really excited about my introduction...haha. Somehow I feel like if I can find a good introduction, that makes everything else easier....I'm more comfortable and it's all around better. :) So let's hope that I actually do okay when it comes time to giving this speech. Perhaps I'll post my outline on here when I'm done with it. :)
And now I'm off to hear a speaker...a really cool speaker named Lane Sanford. He's kind of a "special emphasis" speaker...but really he's a missionary who's fresh off the field on furlough and he's here to tell us all about Papua New Guinea and his experiences in a tribe there. I'm really excited to hear him speak!!
I have been talking to a lot of people lately about walking in the Spirit. Okay, and honestly, I feel kind of dumb. Here's the thing....I've been gaining understanding in this matter for....the past year really (before that, I had little understanding and my understanding wasn't growing) and was starting to think "Hey, I'm getting this!" Any red flags going up? Yeah, that can be a dangerous place to be sometimes. Especially if you're me. Anyways, so we actually were in Romans small group over chapter 8 and we were drawing diagrams up on the board and I sat there the entire time thinking "That's not right. That's not what I thought. That can't be right. NOOOOOO!" Seriously....I did. And so, I decided to take a look at what the Word of God had to say and then talk to older, wiser, more mature Christians about the matter. And that's what I did. Three days in a row I had an hour long conversation with three different people and it was really neat to just see how God was at work. I don't understand fully what walking in the Spirit is. But after my first conversation with one of the guys on staff, God had me at a point where I could pray "I don't fully understand, but I trust You to grow me in it and I will walk in the truth that I DO know." I went into the conversation thinking "This can't be what walking in the Spirit really is because I don't want this to be the answer" and came away thinking "I don't understand it, but I see it as truth in the Word of God." Well, actually, I was thinking a lot more than that. I was thinking "Well, how does walking in the Spirit connect with walking in the truth that you have?" and "Does that mean God always has one choice for you to make in moral issues?" and many other questions. But I have been able to discuss them with others and been challenged to take it back to the Word and it's just been really neat to see God growing me in His truth. And it's been neat because at times I almost feel like light bulbs really are coming on. I find myself realizing the lies I've been thinking or believing or the truths that I know in my head or true, but I don't actually think are true based on my actions. They aren't experiencially true for me. I'm so thankful for a God who is faithful to conform me to His image. :) And let me say this: After a week of mulling over what walking in the Spirit is, I feel like I DO have a better understanding. BUT I feel like I'm only scratching the surface....but at least I KNOW it's the surface of truth.
P.S. Evaluating your thoughts is hard work! And rather draining....but yet so rewarding!
We just started Ephesians class and our speech class, meaning we just FINISHED James/Jude and Dan/Rev. Which also means I just finished my Dan/Rev timeline.....let me tell you that was a stressful assignment. We had to take pretty much all the events of Daniel(the visions) and Revelation and put them all in a concise timeline of end times events. That's right, a complete description of the Church Age, Rapture, Tribulation (including all the judgments and information about the 7-headed beast....mine looked like a body with 7 balloon heads....i'm not an artist...), Armageddon, the Millennium, Gog and Magog, The Great White Throne, the Eternal State, and much much more. It was crazy....I learned a lot, but it took a while to compile a timeline on all of that. :)
But back to what I was saying....we just started Ephesians and speech class. So far I really like Ephesians. It's been neat to see how I've read Ephesians 1 before and how I thought it was all about us and now how I can see it's all about GOD! I apparently didn't read it too closely. I mean, it has us in it, don't get me wrong, but the main point of the passage is what GOD has done FOR US! Somehow I was too consumed with what I had that I completely missed what GOD had done before. Go figure. So that's been really neat. We are only on chapter one and its amazing, so I'm looking forward to more of it!
Speech class....well....if you know anything about me, then you know this isn't my favorite thing in the world. I mean, I will do it, but I get really nervous, as I'm sure is normal. Anyways, my first speech is on Friday. And I'm really excited about my introduction...haha. Somehow I feel like if I can find a good introduction, that makes everything else easier....I'm more comfortable and it's all around better. :) So let's hope that I actually do okay when it comes time to giving this speech. Perhaps I'll post my outline on here when I'm done with it. :)
And now I'm off to hear a speaker...a really cool speaker named Lane Sanford. He's kind of a "special emphasis" speaker...but really he's a missionary who's fresh off the field on furlough and he's here to tell us all about Papua New Guinea and his experiences in a tribe there. I'm really excited to hear him speak!!
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