My heart

This is going to be a really long post. Sorry. If you are on my email list of people who pray for me and receive my updates, you have already gotten this. But I just wanted to share my heart with the rest of you.

While Jesus was on earth, he taught many things. Then He died on a cross and rose. He came back and appeared to many people, but the disciples only included certain stories as they were led by the Spirit to write. In Matthew 28, Jesus tells the women to go tell His disciples to meet Him in Galilee (where many of them got their first call to follow Jesus). Then He meets them on a mountain in Galilee and gives them the Great Commission to go and make disciples of all nations. Mark 16 holds our next account of Jesus’ appearance after the resurrection. We see Mark briefly tell us about his appearance to the women and then to the two men on the Road to Emmaus, and then once again give the Great Commission, this time at a table with the disciples. In Luke 24, Jesus actually explains the Scriptures from Genesis till the resurrection to two men who are walking on the road to Emmaus. This account also records his appearance to His eleven disciples and the two men where He verified Himself to them as truly the Risen Christ and once again He clearly explains the Scriptures concerning Himself and gives the Great Commission. In John 20, we see Christ’s appearance to Mary and His two appearances to the disciples where He verified His identity as the Risen Christ. In John 21, Jesus sees them men fishing as they were when He first called them. He performs a miracle of filling their nets, eats with them, and then he has a conversation with Peter. Peter had previously denied Christ three times, so Jesus has Peter affirm his love three times and then tells him to care for his sheep. He reminds the disciples to follow Him. Lastly, in Acts we see one final account. This is where the disciples ask about restoring Israel and Jesus replies with the Great Commission.

I think the stories after the resurrection paint a picture for us. Jesus gave the Great Commission a few different times, not just one time recorded in four different places, it was actually on a few separate occasions. He also grounded the disciples and two other followers in correct teaching concerning the Scriptures, since they would be His mouthpieces to bring His truth to all people. Lastly, He encouraged the disciples the way that they needed in order to go and be faithful witnesses of the cross. He let Thomas touch His wounds, and He affirmed Peter and commanded Him to feed His sheep, showing His love for His people. This was all God felt was important to share with us about what went on after the resurrection. I think it is a beautiful picture of His heart for ALL to hear and His heart for us as believers. He wanted them to go to the Jews first and then the Gentiles until the Gospel had reached the ends of the earth. Well, it hasn’t. There are 2500 tribes (at least) with no access to the Gospel. And yes, there is a part of it that breaks my heart and makes me want to do something about it. But it’s not just an emotion I feel; it’s a command Christ gave us. His heart is for everyone to hear and believe. So it’s for people here to hear and people over there to hear as well. But not enough people are willing to go over there. People are willing to stay here, but not go over there. When Jesus preached about becoming a DISCIPLE, he didn’t say “find what you’re good at and do that for me.” He said “Lay down your life, take up your cross, and follow me.” One of the core things pounded into your head here is that God made us so He owns us. But then He died for us so that we could be with Him, so we are doubly owned. The Bible says He is our Master, but so many times I don’t live my life as if He is. If He is my Master, then HE gets to decide EVERYTHING that I do. But He’s my friend, too. While He doesn’t want to see my hurt, He often uses my failures and the situations He allows to bring me back to complete reliance on Him. If I think I can do something, then my human tendency is to not rely on Him. That’s not what He wants. Dependence means talking to Him through situations, coming up to things where I am consistently in prayer asking for His help, telling Him that I cannot do it on my own and letting Him take over. All the sudden that verse about we should ALWAYS be in prayer makes sense. (I just realized this a few months ago.) Jesus said over and over again that following Him would be hard. He never promised my happiness, but my peace and my growth. I will be happy when I’m in heaven, but on earth He promised that we will suffer for His name. Through that suffering, we will have peace. That doesn’t mean that we will want it to be happening, but we will be able to see that God is at work and praise Him for what He is doing through the situation. So how far am I willing to go to fulfill His command? Am I willing to give up my family and my friends and the comforts of this world? Are Christ’s words important enough to me that I would be willing to do so? Yes. They are. Do I have a desire for these tribal people to know Him so that His name could be glorified. I do. Did Christ command us to go? He did. All those things together propel me into missions. It’s not a feeling I have or a desire to live with nothing, it’s a command and a realization of submission. I do want to go, not because of a desire to teach or anything like that, but because going brings glory to Him. If I went based on an emotional pull; I would fail because that pull will fade or be overpowered by other emotions. If I went based on a desire to teach; I would fail because perhaps no one would listen or I would be too anxious to teach and not willing to let God take His time with the people. But I am going based on a command, based on obedience to His word, trusting in Him alone to sustain me with the only purpose of bringing glory to His name.

Now don’t get me wrong, some people are called to stay here and build up faithful servants of Christ in the states and that is equally wonderful. Some people are physically unable to go. Laying down your will and your life looks different for everyone. But we all are called to take part in what He is doing and ask Him what HE wants for us. For me, laying down my life and taking up the cross is tribal missions. He wants those people to hear. His heart is for people here and for people there, but no one seems to be going over there and NO ONE over there knows the truth. So I will go. I have a passion to go. There is need. There is great need. Does all of that make sense? I hope so. I hope that you understand my heart a little bit better.

Sometimes I struggle with the thought of leaving everything I know behind and going overseas. It’s one of those really scary things to think about and sometimes it can be quite overwhelming. There is no way that I can do that. I can’t live overseas in a foreign culture away from my family and friends by myself. I just can’t do it. Of course I can’t. There’s no way that I would want to. And when I start to get overwhelmed with “Why do I think I can do this,” God always brings me back to Him. I can’t do it. It is only in His power that I will be sustained, no matter where I am. It is only by relying on Him that I will be able to live. There’s comfort in that.