Musings

This semester has been a struggle for me. Unfortunately, I have been sick for the majority of it either with kidney stone pain or a sinus cold or something. It's been a struggle to keep up with schoolwork and to focus in class when some of the time I'm on heavy painkillers and have a hard time thinking about ANYTHING, much less deep truths of the Word of God. BUT, I am blessed to have great teachers who have taken much time to prepare lessons and notes for us, and I am thankful that I have all the material to review and re-learn during Christmas break. :)

I've been learning a lot lately about how this whole relationship with God thing works. Unfortunately, I do not hold the keys to it or really truly understand everything about it, but God is faithful to reveal to me new things about who He is and His character and who I am in Him. One of the big things that I have been learning without even realizing it is contentment where He has me. I have a passion for missions, a passion that I truly believe God gave me, but yet I am not overseas. When I was younger, this was a HUGE struggle for me. I wanted to be overseas, I wanted to be with those people and I would CRY and be upset that I couldn't be. In my head the only reason that I had this passion was to use it overseas, since that was what the passion was. I didn't realize the broad range of God's abilities to use my passion in many different areas. I didn't know that I didn't have to be overseas for Him to use that passion and drive in me. This was a totally new concept to me! But lately it has been neat to see God broadening my views on how He works and how I am to respond to the situations that I am put in. I am learning how to be less abrasive with my passion (my apologies if I have been abrasive to YOU in the past!) and how God wants to use it here and now. It's just been neat to have my eyes open to the truth in the statement : "No matter WHERE I am, my responsibility before the Lord is still the same; to know Him and make Him known." This is true of all believers, though we all play a somewhat different facet of this, and I've really been learning this lately. I can fulfill my purpose and my passion no matter where I am or what circumstances may surround me.

Another thing I have been learning is that while I am learning a lot ABOUT God, it has to be my decision to take that a step further and KNOW Him, walk and talk with Him. I can read the Bible and learn as much about Him as I want, but if I do not KNOW Him, if I do not depend on Him, this is a mute point. God wants me to KNOW Him, not just about who He is. I've heard this all my life and never really understood the difference between the two. Isn't reading my Bible getting to KNOW Him? And while it can be, it all depends on me and the attitude of my heart. If I am going to the Bible to read it and to study it, but not talk to God and rely on Him, I am just learning ABOUT Him. I'm not sure if all of this makes complete sense, because right now I feel like I am just clipping the tip of the iceberg, but I know that He is faithful to reveal to me more wrongs in my life and my thinking and to conform me into the image of His son. Thank the LORD!! :)