Relationship

Growing up in church, sometimes I think it's easy to get confused. What does that mean? Well, I've been in church my whole life. I've known the Bible stories, memorized verses (although not too successfully), gone on mission trips, and all of that. I've learned what true faith looks like and what attributes a Christian should be producing. These are all good things to learn, but I think they can also be dangerous. I know I'm being confusing, so let me try to explain. I knew what a Christian should look like; it's clearly shown in the Bible time and time again. I knew that I needed to have a relationship with God, but I don't think I ever fully understood what all that entailed. I know that's a shocking thing to say, but it's true. A relationship with God is often defined as knowing God and how do you get to know Him? Through the Word. So you read your Bible and that's how you have a relationship with God? Nope. It's not. But for a long time, that's really what I thought a relationship with God was...and to be honest, I was disappointed. I was left unfulfilled. I was trying to produce Godly qualities in myself because I didn't know any better. It was like no one ever fully explained to me that I really don't have to do anything, that I just (like it's so easy) need to be in constant communication with God and He will take care of it all. I need to be fully dependent on Him. I never quite fully understood that. And I know that I don't know either, but I'm learning to get it more and more. God is good. He is so good and He really wants this deep relationship with us. He doesn't just want us to know Him and try to produce good works on our own, because that is through our strength and we get the glory...and eventually, we will fail. He wants us to rely on Him, trust in Him, pray to Him with decisions, ask Him for help, depend on Him. He wants us to DEPEND on Him in ALL things. These are so many things that I think I've heard before, but never been practically shown or told how to do them. And honestly, I don't think I have a good enough grasp on them to explain it to someone...the step that goes beyond knowing about God and reading your Bible and praying to INTIMATELY knowing your Savior. It seems like such a subtle difference, but such a HUGE change occurs. I really can't explain it, as I'm sure you can see by this confusing post. I guess I just mean to say that it's not enough to read your Bible and to pray. There's more to life than that. There's more to a relationship with God than that. And nothing can compare to it. There have been times in my life when I've been in that close communion with God and they have been amazing. And then there are times when I haven't and I never really could figure out why I wasn't and what had changed. Now I know. It's amazing that it's all about Him. It's not about what characteristics I want to build into my life, good characteristics that are godly and glorify Him. It's about what HE wants to teach me and how HE wants to grow me and my dependence on Him through that. I'm falling more and more in love with Him every day.